Hey there, so this is about processes I've been going through til today :)
Years have passed and I know that I've grown and I'm still growing
1-2 years ago I was offered a certain responsibility, which was a huge one, (started from a smaller one for sure), yet in doing that, I faced many pressures from many places.
Fulfilling these tasks are not easy, even without them, studying Mechatronics in Monash is never easy since the beginning
But I looked at how God has led me through years of processes, and wow, I'm standing firmer compared to how I did before :)
God never ceases to amaze me!
Through commitments I built with people I love: Fresh Com, Fresh Ministry, ISCF (until last year) etc. I was brought to a long journey that sharpens me very much.
There was times when I felt like I'd fallen and I was just holding a spiky rope to make sure I didn't fall off. I often thought, why I should keep some of these. I'm bleeding because I try to put everything together, maybe it's better if I release my hands, that's not my responsibility (I had this option actually, after consulting with my leaders, and I know noone would blame me for quitting in a good manner).
I kept learning about priorities and commitments, even higher price I should pay, tears-sweat-blood I should shed and often time I was brought down to my knees.
But that's not my point, for everything I pay for Jesus is worth it
Even currently I can't foresee how these services and efforts (ministries, study, cell groups) will turn out to be, I just believe "He has made everything beautiful in its time" (Ecc 3:11a)
Ah, about commitment, through these people I learn so many things I never expected actually, some of them sharpen me really 'harshly' that sometimes I unconsciously tried to run away.
What I mean is not about sharpening process that may cause anger, misunderstanding etc (you may suspect what Kak Tama did to me, but this is not about him :P), it's about them who sharpen me due to their past, their relationship with me, their words, their behaviour, or their lifestyles.
Once Kak Tama told me: "Beruntung ya kamu, dapet anak2 komsel yang baik."
Compared to these "new" commitments I got myself into, I could say that my previous commitments/communities are really good and soft. I'm thankful meeting them, cell group mates who didn't cause too much troubles haha!
I might be hurt here and there, yet I'm still holding on, it is because I can see God's plan for me through this year's processes, this new chapter. There are many aspects of my life that haven't been spotlighted, because it was not the time yet, not it's the time.
I could run away (not an option, just my ego, although noone would blame me either), I could be giving logical reasons, I could use "how do I know that this is my time to do this?"
I just know one thing: God wants me to be faithful in this new level, this sole reason is enough compared with other reasons I could think of to avoid this process.
Like everyone else, many things were unclear at first, and I just walked by faith step by step. As results, I started to know myself even deeper, about my weaknesses unexposed before (I did not even know this aspect of mine), learnt to overcome my feeling, to stay neutral in facing problem (mine or other people's) and see from God's perspectives. I learn all of these through this year's chapter of life ;), but above all else, I'm grateful that I could learn more about God's Heart!
Hey you guys, who sharpen me many times, I thank y'all.
I hope I'm not the only one who learn from our journey together,
and let's keep praying for one another.
God bless :)
