Thus Far the Lord Has Brought Me

Look How He Lifted Me

2015 and I finally accomplished my study in Malaysia

Why is this such a big deal for me?

Well, because every single year is always a fighting for me and my family in many aspects.

I won't be exaggerating if I say it takes faith to go through these 6 years.

Academically, I failed some subjects, underloaded to 3 subjects per semester in order to 'survive', and still struggled each semester. 

Especially the last semester, I really don't get why, but my sensor got burnt accidentally in week 11 which might cause my final year project to fail, 1 quiz + 2 last assignments in week 12, FYP presentation in week 13, and the finisher was done by final exams for two days straight in the first two days of week 14.

I wouldn't say that God was the One who did my last-and-the-hardest-paper on Tuesday, because if it was so, my paper would lead my examiner to repentance when he read it. But I truly believe, when I fell sick just the day before the first paper, it was God who strengthened me physically and morally to keep on studying and then finally finish em all.

It's funny though, how doubt came knocking on my door like a regular customer when I was waiting for my results to be released. There were many confirmations I received from my devotional time and even on the day of the result announcement, Elevation Worship posted something like this:
"God has already worked out what you're worried about." - Pastor Steven Furtick"

Yes, I felt nervous thinking of my results, but I believed when I've given my best, the next thing I ought to do is let God do the rest. So, I made my waiting time into working time.
I met with many people, served God by doing what I can do: Being the hospitality team for our church's guest speakers, helping my friends who moved out to another place, etc. Truly, I'm still grateful that I did so, I did not waste my time worrying what God has worked out.

"I don't worry, I worship" - Steven Furtick

Glad that I did the latter.

I Went After It

1 Sam 17:34-35 (ESV)

But David said to Saul, “Your servant used to keep sheep for his father. And when there came a lion, or a bear, and took a lamb from the flock,
I went after him and struck him and delivered it out of his mouth. And if he arose against me, I caught him by his beard and struck him and killed him.

Pastor Steven said: "That's what I hope people will say about me as a preacher, "that boy went after it, that boy preached till he couldn't preach anymore, that boy left it all out there in the pulpit, he went after it""

So here's my version:
I might get too hyped when worshipping God on-stage that I was off pitch many times, but I went after it.
I'm not the best singer people would've met in church, but, I still went after it. I keep on worshipping God no matter where I am.
I often thought too much until my goalkeeping was pretty clumsy sometimes, but I went after it.
I got too emotional when leading prayers that I have these slips of tongue every once in a while, but I went after it.

I want people not to see as a perfectly fine person because I'm not, but I really want that they see me as someone who "goes after it".
I'mma give my best shots each time my friends and I spend time together.
I'mma give my best to bring out the best in people around me.

What I do is not perfect, but I go after it.

I Have Nothing to Prove, Only One to Please

People asked me whether or not I'd finished my work in Malaysia.

I said "yes, absolutely"

Not only I finished my part, I'd prepared my friends to continue our works in FGCC Malaysia and even how to prepare their successors.

Back then, people often said my style of leading people is too harsh, some questioned my values, while some doubted my methods and the other assumed things- without really knowing what really happened between me and my friends or mentees.

I'm not saying that we don't have to improve and evaluate ourselves, it's mere arrogance, but beside having the right response in this kind of season, I also believe we ought to stay true to what God has called us to do, and I know that I have this holy discontent about young leaders.

I believe everyone is a leader in their own respective area. So that is why I devote myself into mentorship, learning more about it and being hated because of it.

While I had indeed made some wrong decisions previously, I'm also getting better at making right decisions. That is called growing and maturing, I believe.

Although some things I do will cause oppositions, I will not change my stand.

Even if I was given a chance to go back to the past, I would still choose and do the same things over and over again. 

Even if it means to be jeered at for doing it, I still will do the same thing.

Why?

Maybe because I know that my audience is not you, but God.

Through all these experiences, I learnt what they mean by giving up your right to be justified.

Real life situations, my friends heard things from other people about certain issues. I don't know which translation version they used, but I strongly believe if I was invited to their discussion, their stories would be a little bit different even if I did not speak any words. 

I hope you get what I mean.

Too often we try and even put our lives into justifying ourselves, to the extent that we don't have the chance to experience how God justifies us.

And too often we play the victim, and y'know, everybody can play the victim, it's easy.
I refused to have the victim mentality by explaining the real situations to just everybody.
Some people might not even be interested in the facts anyway.
It is less likely that people will clear up the misunderstandings they have caused and rarely people talk about others' strengths instead of weaknesses.

Let me put this in another way, if your gossipers won't bother clean up their mess, why should you, clean up their mess by trying to explain and prove everything you have done every single time? 

Ain't it tiring, peeps?

Romans 8:37 (ESV)
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

How can we become 'more than conquerors' if we let other people's voice define our reality?
Shouldn't we let God's Word define our reality?
Do not be a slave of people's opinions.
You have one true Master, it is God, not you yourself and certainly not the gossip.
Whether or not you read your Bible will determine your life.

This is necessary, however, to surround yourself with people who will get you closer to God, even if it means sometimes they need to support your decisions and the other time they rebuke you for your (pre or post) bad decisions, yet they still accept you just as you are.
Be transparent with them.

You can only grow in community, make sure your community is healthy not only for your happiness, but your inner man.

"You cannot grow in isolation. You can only grow in community." - A. R. Bernard

If something you have done is right, I believe God will make it right and clear the misunderstanding in front of people.
Otherwise, He won't (and then sends people to remind or rebuke you).
He might justify it later in this world or maybe in the later world, because everyone would be responsible for everything they have done and said.
However, even if He doesn't, it means the misunderstanding itself is not a big deal.
Simple!

Phil 3:15 (ESV)
Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.

I believe what Phil 3:15 says and you know what? 

Your actions reflect your beliefs.
That's why I act this way, because it reflects what I believe or especially Whom I have believed.

I have nothing to prove and only One to please

So Long, Malaysia

I thank God for my community, FGCC Malaysia.

I am a product of community, it doesn't take miraculous event to help me be an Indra Tan, it doesn't take a wonderful activity, or complicated strategy. 

God works on me tremendously through my community.

and especially my mentors: Ko Eddy Chang, Kak Tama Pakpahan and Kak Dicky for your impacts in my life, your relentless supports, prayers, and constructive rebukes. 

Your lives influence me to be the person I am right now.

  

  

Thank you Malaysia for this 6-year experience.
It has been a great journey.

I am moving on to the next stage.

Soredewa mata!