Friday 29 August 2014

It's A New Season

It's a new season, it's a new day.

A fresh anointing is flowing my way.

It's a season of power and prosperity.

It's a new season coming to me.



That's from Israel Houghton's song, New Season.
How I wish that while I sing this song, a new season, a good start for me, a perfect season to step out into new level is coming to me.
But nope, I indeed made a step into a new level, however with a "not so good" start.

Here's the story, I was given a privilege, to play for an International-level futsal team, called Leonis (only one time, one golden chance. See the reason why I desperately wished for a good start?)


We won 11-5, it was okay, but bad for me as 2-3 goals were my silly mistakes.
Ironically, it's enough reason for me to feel really down.

Before going on, some of y'all might wonder how come I was asked to play for this Leonis team.
I have a connection, a friend, a great futsal player with many haters (soalnya muka n gayanya sengak), Vedo Irawan.
We met in 2010 in FGCC, and played futsal together, although he joined another team called Sunesia (I was in ISCF) that time.
Iseng buka foto2 lama, gua aja lupa ada foto ini

This guy has been pursuing his passion and love about futsal, until he reaches international level, which is rare for Indonesian students like us.
He is also the guy who introduced me to Monash Futsal Captain, Shafiq and so I was invited to join Monash training since last year. Such an honour indeed, I started to meet and get to know Monash players, Coach Kevin Yee, RG boys, and even some of Malaysian-league futsal players (from PKNS and Selangor FC).
Shaf is the middle guy standing behind me, with a bitter facial expression, and there's Zec with his intimidating aura

While I thought I'd reached a university level (which I still need to learn a lot), Vedo had played in Leonis for a quite long time. Yes, I'm saying that we are in a different league.
This year, I was privileged to play again in Monash team, and we lost at the group stage #justsaying

I think we tried hard to smile, that's what I think though... btw ada Yudhi di kanan bawah, huoo
At the same time, I was invited by Vedo to come to Leonis training.
So I'm like "oh okay, this is a great chance for me to LEARN."
You can imagine how it goes for me, a newbie, self-proclaimed Goalkeeper, just barely played at university level, now trained with a semi-professional team.

Sounds humble? No, I just lack of confidence.
As Pastor Steven Furtick said, "preachers tend to be one of the most insecure groups of people on the planet" (Crash the Chatterbox)
Pamer foto lama doang sih ini bro
That's not a solid reasoning, but I'm that kind of people that often lack of confidence.
It might not seem so, yet my close friends understand this the most.

Back to my third paragraph above, I played bad during the game, I realized that I did uneccessary mistakes and felt unecessarily timid.
During evaluation, Vedo and Valiant (a futsal player from Sunesia, who has been going through almost the same portion of futsal training in Monash as me... My bad, he is even worse, he's a futsal maniac) gave their honest opinions and I learnt a lot from them.
Vedo added, "you set your goal too low, you need to set higher goal for yourself."
This hit me, y'know, because what he said was true, I was satisfied for just being able to training with Leonis, that's all.

One point I want to make clear about, if you wonder, of how three of us became really close.
It's really simple, it's just because we found similarities among us: We are passion and purpose driven type of people. (in this case, futsal)
Honestly, in regards of passion, I think I am the least driven compared to them.
That's why I'm really grateful for meeting them, they helped me a lot in pursuing my passion (as well as to remind me again about my purpose in Church, community, calling, and study)
Ceritanya abis maen buat RG Junior, I posted this on IG before. Btw belakang itu Yassin ya, Val?

Still, I thought of things like "I don't think I'm ready to play in (adult) International level yet" and "I suck, dude. I don't know what happened."
Then I remembered what my late American Football coach, Mr. Jeff Pelland said to me after I told him the same thing I thought of back then, "If you know that you played bad, then it's good. Why? Because you know what your mistakes are, so you will not do the same mistakes again."
Sunway Storms and Sunway Titans

The next thing I knew, I was remembering what Sidney Mohede shared in FGCC pre-Christmas celebration, 2009:
In Indonesia, he had become well known for his works, it's like there was no single person who did not know his name (even my old-school parents heard of him, no kidding, man). He was like, "I'm starting from 0, and I keep improving, now I'm at 9".
Then he was invited to lead worship in Taiwan, where he was needed to do that in mandarin, he can't even speak mandarin. So, he admitted that he felt so nervous as if he went back to 0 again.
But he then realized, he wasn't at 0, he was at 10, because as for that time, he had gone to International level. He said to himself "welcome to international world, man".

That's just a portion of his sermon, he wasn't showing off his fame or whatsoever, you can check his full sermon by ordering The Chronicles DVD from my friend, Sandy Ijaya through this number:
016 - 9968019.

"Worry is a down payment on a problem you may never have" - Joyce Meyer
I kept worrying especially after the game, and found no good thing resulted from doing that.
I felt like I messed up the game, but in case I forgot about it: I was playing for a semi-pro team, I SHOULD be thankful for that.
I know I'm not good enough to play a quality game in international level yet, but I've just arrived.
I'm stepping on it, I'm just starting.

(The funny thing is that Leonis players don't really make a big deal out of this, they don't show off their "international level" skills, they aren't confused, they aren't timid under the pressure. They are simply calm and confident, that's how they show their class.)

It took me some time to realize this again:
In the middle of our journey, we need to take a break and thank God for everything we have until now.
I'm not saying that we can feel satisfied and settle down from giving your best, that's arrogance.
I'm saying that we tend to catch up with this high pace world and competitive trends around us until we become discontent with everything. Yes, everything.
Arrogance starts when we stop being grateful (say "Amen", somebody).



I believe that when we forget to be grateful, we'll start taking all the credits for yourselves, that's arrogance.
We forget to thank God, our friends, our colleagues, or family as if we do everything on our own (if you feel that  you've been fighting alone all your life, I think you are wrong).
So, sometimes we just need to stop and say Ebenezer, thus far has the LORD helped us.




I had a bad start, but it won't stop me from learning and improving further.
To make it even further, I wanna thank God for everything before I go on.

I thank God for rare chances given to me and for He has led me thus far, I thank Vedo and Valiant for their supports and advice regarding my passion, I thank Kevin Yee-Bryan Lee-Pep Chia for Monash futsal, I thank ISCF for giving me such solid foundation before I ever moved on to another level, I thank Coach Yaser and Leonis whom I just met several times, I thank my close friends for being my "Lighthouse", I thank people who read this post in advance to check anything.
(I'm sorry if I'm gonna stop here, too much to be grateful for).

Now, I'm telling myself to move on and keep on learning from the opportunities given to me.
Imma keep walking on without leaving my gratitude behind.
It's a new season!

Friday 1 August 2014

God is My Banner

What's up pals, I'm so sorry that I disappointed some of my friends' expectation which said "sering2 update blog nya ya".
I was like, "Well, I don't have any interesting story to share currently, and to look at it deeper, I only have 'Pages That Are Hard To Write' (courtesy of Juli Wilson). No blog writing for a while."
Today, when I checked out my blog, it's been 3 months since I posted something (only been 3 months or already been 3 month, depends on whether you are a pessimist or optimist, okay that's not my point anyway).

For the sake of the divine calling given to me (?) so that I can bless other people through my writing (actually so that my friends know my updates, that's it), I brought myself to sit down in front of a computer (Monash computer, because my house's wifi is down), simply: To write.

Short update:
I play futsal 2-3 times a week since I arrived back here in Malaysia.
I meet my friends to catch up, have a one-on-one conversation with one of my mentors, Ko Ed and was introduced to some new people.
I had some problems in allocating my timetable (as usual) but it is okay now.
Lastly, I'm still considering what project's topic I should choose for my Final Year Project.

Let's back up a little bit...
Last semester, I received this message loud and clear, a message that conquers all my fears and doubts, a strong promise from the LORD to stand with me as all the battles I'm currently facing is His, yes it is awesome... BUT (a small but, I might say) I often find it hard to relate this promise with my current situation.
The message is: Jehovah Nissi (if you notice, I put that on my bio and even my phone's lock screen)

I'm not going to have a biblical seminar here, yet I find that the source of this word is interesting (Bible is always interesting, thank you)
Exodus 17:15 Moses built an altar there and named it Yahweh-nissi (which means "the LORD is my banner").

My cellgroup mate, Pendy introduced me to a war manga called Kingdom (have heard that one? YOU SHOULD READ IT, mate), and because I have this unique (not weird) interest in something like ancient Chinese/Japanese kingdom, I enjoy reading it.
I read books (especially manga) about Romance of Three Kingdoms, Miyamoto Musashi, Sengoku Period etc.
I notice a significance in carrying a banner in a war:
1. The banner shows the identity of leader/general of the armies.
2. Carrying that banner means carrying the dignity and reputation of that general.
3. During the bout, if a troop successfully accomplish its mission, a war cry that praises the winning general will be shouted instantly. On the other hand, you can try to imagine how it feels to be the losing side.

See? The banners give you a strong vibe, doesn't it? (Kingdom)

Free picture of Kamen Rider Gaim, who fights while carrying his own banner *don't judge me


MacLaren's commentary on Exodus 17:15:
I. First, realise for whose cause you fight.
II. The second of the exhortations which come from the altar and its name is, Remember whose commands you follow.
III. Lastly, the third lesson that these grey stones preach to us is, Recognise by whose power you conquer.

I felt like, this is so kewl (cool), that's what we are supposed to be doing as a Christian, living our life and showing that the Almight LORD is our banner.
Being a Christian doesn't mean we are perfect, it just means that we are forgiven, and even in our iniquities, the LORD is still our banner.
Isn't it great? Isn't it powerful? Come on!

As I looked back at my own life, I can see that God has been so good to me.

Nevertheless, many times I failed to understand His plan, I failed to notice His glory over me, I failed to find the reason of holding on to the words He had said to me, and even worse, I felt unloved and defeated during my war. I'm kinda afraid of hearing "come" from God again.
I know that my battle is His, but I can't see the victory of it, I can't feel or understand the reason of it, my battle is open ended.
This sounds like I'm contradicting my points, no I'm not.
I'm showing that even though I'm weak, He's strong.
Even though I'm faithless, He remains faithful.
I might forfeit everything but I will NEVER forfeit my Banner.

My current condition doesn't change the truth that God is still loving and powerful, on this alone I believe.
If any of you are fighting an open-ended battle (like me, maybe I'm crazy but I know I'm not the only one), this reading might be helpful:
Nicki Edwards' Pass Me The Matches

If you are tempted to run away from Him, quit your process or leave in the middle of your journey, remember Philippians 1:6
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

What I do is to say this over and over again until I fix my eyes on Him:
God is the purpose of my fighting
God is the glory of my struggling
God is the reason of my hope
God is my banner