Soon after finishing my exam, I and my friends were busy organising my mentors' (Kak Tama Pakpahan - Ci Yuriko Kesuma) wedding celebration.
I thank people who still participated in the committee in spite of their exam preparation period, y'all are such a great help.
Thank you Katam and Ciyu for giving me the privilege!
(this might be my first and last time for being an EO for a wedding celebration, seriously)
Having accomplished my tasks, I finally had free time to meet with my another mentor, Kak Dicky Sudrajad. I love how God works in their family, especially him, as the leader. He is the one who introduced me to apologetics ministry and it's just so awesome to know that the same vision is there, even though God had called us to serve in His different fields for a moment.
I told him about my vision, future plans (career and study) for my last (next) semester and even for the next 5-10 years. He helped me in focusing my vision according to what we trust as my calling, and even to the further topic, relationship.
Man, this is why I love talking to my mentors!
Anywayy,
recently the feeling of anxiety was still lingering within me.
I still asked, "Why did I need to go through all those things? It did not make sense, and even now it still doesn't."
It's the same thing as what Christine Caine said, "Ask yourself this frequently: what is this here to teach me", the question appeared, however, with my own unnecessary anxieties.
On Sunday, 07/12/14, my Pastor, ko Eddy Chang ministered a message from Abraham and Lot in Genesis 13:1-13, of how Abraham was totally relaxed with how things developed between their two groups of many people, he gave his nephew the freedom to choose the best land (Lot did, as if he didn't consider his uncle's future), so Lot chose the hole Jordan Valley, meanwhile Abraham settled in the land of Canaan.
My pastor said: That exact humility showed how Abraham placed his trust in God. We can see how God blessed him afterwards.
You see, from what I read, Lot did not desire the land of Canaan, he desired somewhere he thought better (well-watered like the garden of the LORD), the Jordan Valley. Abraham, on the other hands, was like "well, if you go there, I'll stay here, anything for you, my beloved nephew."
Funny thing is that the land that Abraham chose to stay at (like randomly), the land that did not fascinate Lot's eyes, would be the Promised Land for the Israelites. Yes, THE Promised Land that was described as "the land flowing with milk and honey" hundreds of years later.
The presence of God changes everything.
I asked myself: do you still trust God even when He has led you to this dry land? Trust that He will bless the land He has brought me to?
Obedience is all that matters. Obedience is the proof that you love God.
Everyone can claim they love God, but the difference is in their obedience.
The finishing blow for my anxieties was actually something I had read (and even saved on my note) previously. When I was ready to face my fears and hurts (I sorta ran away from some hurtful things, I admit) and desperately asked God "What do You want to teach me?", I started to see the things I need to learn and pick up along my journey, God-like characters and lifestyles.
Joseph did not do anything wrong, but his brothers hated him nevertheless.
If I were Joseph, at this point I would say that my only mistake was tell my God's vision to my brothers and started to despise myself for that while working in the prison.
David served Saul with his talents sincerely but Saul envied and started the man hunt.
If I were David, I might question if God really called me to serve Him this way.
Luckily I have the chance to learn from them, not the other way round.
“When I realize that everything that is happening to me, is to make me more Christ-like it solves a great deal of anxiety.”- A.W. Tozer
Yesterday, Elevation released their weekly sermon (still in Surround series, if you wonder) called Let's Bring It Full Circle. I watched the preview, Pastor Steven said:
God says, "I don't measure the size of the circle, I measure the size of the sacrifice that the circle represents."
and all the things that came up together made me decide to write this post.
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