I was like, "Well, I don't have any interesting story to share currently, and to look at it deeper, I only have 'Pages That Are Hard To Write' (courtesy of Juli Wilson). No blog writing for a while."
Today, when I checked out my blog, it's been 3 months since I posted something (only been 3 months or already been 3 month, depends on whether you are a pessimist or optimist, okay that's not my point anyway).
For the sake of the divine calling given to me (?) so that I can bless other people through my writing (actually so that my friends know my updates, that's it), I brought myself to sit down in front of a computer (Monash computer, because my house's wifi is down), simply: To write.
Short update:
I play futsal 2-3 times a week since I arrived back here in Malaysia.
I meet my friends to catch up, have a one-on-one conversation with one of my mentors, Ko Ed and was introduced to some new people.
I had some problems in allocating my timetable (as usual) but it is okay now.
Lastly, I'm still considering what project's topic I should choose for my Final Year Project.
Let's back up a little bit...
Last semester, I received this message loud and clear, a message that conquers all my fears and doubts, a strong promise from the LORD to stand with me as all the battles I'm currently facing is His, yes it is awesome... BUT (a small but, I might say) I often find it hard to relate this promise with my current situation.
The message is: Jehovah Nissi (if you notice, I put that on my bio and even my phone's lock screen)
I'm not going to have a biblical seminar here, yet I find that the source of this word is interesting (Bible is always interesting, thank you)
Exodus 17:15 Moses built an altar there and named it Yahweh-nissi (which means "the LORD is my banner").
My cellgroup mate, Pendy introduced me to a war manga called Kingdom (have heard that one? YOU SHOULD READ IT, mate), and because I have this unique (not weird) interest in something like ancient Chinese/Japanese kingdom, I enjoy reading it.
I read books (especially manga) about Romance of Three Kingdoms, Miyamoto Musashi, Sengoku Period etc.
I notice a significance in carrying a banner in a war:
1. The banner shows the identity of leader/general of the armies.
2. Carrying that banner means carrying the dignity and reputation of that general.
3. During the bout, if a troop successfully accomplish its mission, a war cry that praises the winning general will be shouted instantly. On the other hand, you can try to imagine how it feels to be the losing side.
See? The banners give you a strong vibe, doesn't it? (Kingdom)
Free picture of Kamen Rider Gaim, who fights while carrying his own banner *don't judge me
MacLaren's commentary on Exodus 17:15:
I. First, realise for whose cause you fight.
II. The second of the exhortations which come from the altar and its name is, Remember whose commands you follow.
III. Lastly, the third lesson that these grey stones preach to us is, Recognise by whose power you conquer.
I felt like, this is so kewl (cool), that's what we are supposed to be doing as a Christian, living our life and showing that the Almight LORD is our banner.
Being a Christian doesn't mean we are perfect, it just means that we are forgiven, and even in our iniquities, the LORD is still our banner.
Isn't it great? Isn't it powerful? Come on!
As I looked back at my own life, I can see that God has been so good to me.
Nevertheless, many times I failed to understand His plan, I failed to notice His glory over me, I failed to find the reason of holding on to the words He had said to me, and even worse, I felt unloved and defeated during my war. I'm kinda afraid of hearing "come" from God again.
I know that my battle is His, but I can't see the victory of it, I can't feel or understand the reason of it, my battle is open ended.
This sounds like I'm contradicting my points, no I'm not.
I'm showing that even though I'm weak, He's strong.
Even though I'm faithless, He remains faithful.
I might forfeit everything but I will NEVER forfeit my Banner.
My current condition doesn't change the truth that God is still loving and powerful, on this alone I believe.
If any of you are fighting an open-ended battle (like me, maybe I'm crazy but I know I'm not the only one), this reading might be helpful:
Nicki Edwards' Pass Me The Matches
If you are tempted to run away from Him, quit your process or leave in the middle of your journey, remember Philippians 1:6
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
What I do is to say this over and over again until I fix my eyes on Him:
God is the purpose of my fighting
God is the glory of my struggling
God is the reason of my hope
God is my banner
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