More Than Enough

Pastor Steve's message, "sometimes in order to be victorious, you need to be willing to do something that looks ridiculous", kept resounding in my head for quite a while.

What kind of victory does God actually want us to achieve? Especially that requires us to look ridiculous.
The fact is, sometimes you know, sometimes you don't
One thing for sure, God always knows

So the question is, without having a clear grasp of this "victory", are you still willing- to look ridiculous- for God's sake?
I can handle the stress of keeping on IF I can see the purpose, but without the reason or the purpose, to constantly remind myself about, I just can't.

That's what I thought.

When God Doesn't Make Sense
In the past years, every single time I surrendered my will to be in sync with God's, I felt as if God then led me to some random-unknown-and-unpreferred paths to walk.

I wrote this before, but what I didn't write was that:
There were times- even until recently- I kept running away from God just because of this.

It is a simple matter, maybe something like God asked me to pray for certain things, to wait on Him, and be still.

While for other aspects my pastors and mentors affirmed my availability in serving God, I know deep within, I'm not wholly available for God.

Well, not on this matter.

Until the beginning of this year, I decided to respect God as how He deserves, especially as my King.
Truth be told, as a King, He doesn't need to consult with me about what He wants me to do, He speaks and I am to obey. 

So how dare I show such insolent attitude by refusing to pray for what He wants me to pray?

I braced myself to face what God wants me to do, again.
As I had expected, it was still painful, it was still confusing and sometimes I still thought "I had better skipped this request, I was so fine before this"
Although...
There was one difference, I did not lose my faith as I had done years ago.

I'm secure in my identity in Jesus, I guess God used my last experience to teach me really well.


My Grace is Sufficient
I, then asked God one more time, "What is the real message hidden in the midst of this unexplainable process? Maybe I had missed it out the first and second time, created stories and endings as how I (not He) saw fit. But not this time, I'm letting You write Your story in my life. Here I am, Lord, I'mma find it to understand what You want to teach me."

I got to the bottom of my frustration to look for it,
go through the same painful thing, again, to see what God wants me to learn,
be still in His presence right in the face of the storms and raging sea,
until I finally came to know Him as an El-Shaddai, not only God Almighty but also The All-Sufficient God, God that is more than enough.

Apostle Paul experienced worse than I (we ever) do, he pleaded to God three (different) times, yet instead of granting His trusted servant's request, God let it be and said "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor 12:9)

Why so cold, God?
I believe it's really not hard for God to do as what Paul asked, after all it might boost Paul's performance so he would be able to work more efficiently, don't you think?

Pastor Craig Groeschel mentioned "The meaning of Charis (undeserved favor, grace) is: God freely extends Himself, leaning and reaching to us because He is disposed to bless and be near to us. He wants to say, "I'm here for you! I'm not gonna answer this one (Paul's prayer), because this time it's Me all you need.""

He concluded:
1. True prayer isn't about getting our way, but surrendering our will

2. Prayer reminds us that we're not in control and keeps us close to the One who is

3. Prayer isn't just asking, but trusting

I believe that is the true meaning of "God that is more than enough", El-Shaddai means the All-Sufficient God, He will indeed supply and provide all we need, I get that, but what if it means God Himself is more than enough, even without His blessings, without His provision, but His presence? Even if He doesn't answer your prayer as you have dearly prayed for?  Even if He does nothing to your situation, will you still believe that God is ALL you need every moment of your life?

When my soul was embittered,

when I was pricked in heart,

I was brutish and ignorant;
I was like a beast toward you.

Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.

- Psalm 73:21-23

Maybe this is it.

Maybe this is what God had been trying to convey to me.

Maybe this is what I did not see when I was running away.

Even when my soul was embittered, even when I was pricked in heart,

I should open my own heart to see, I am CONTINUALLY with Him,

as He holds my right hand.

He wants- even when you don't understand anything, even when it's hurting you here and there, even when it is open-ended, even when you had pleaded to God to take it away countless times and yet He did nothing about it, especially when God doesn't make sense- you confide in and depend on Him as the God who is more than enough.

Confident in God's Purpose

It took me 3 years, through my deepest valley, to experience myself this meaning of El-Shaddai, and this way, He showed Himself faithful to me, along with His sustaining power, peace and presence.
It's not like I had not met some different situations that brought me to my knees, but from this process, I had a chance to go up to a higher level of revelation in my journey with God.

I admit, before recently, my obedience is not unconditional.
(I mean, "if I do this, God please fill my drawer in heaven with my favorite Jordan shoes."
Okay, just kidding)

For one or two thing, I have my own conditions.

What I hoped "I do my obedience, God, please do Your outcome. It isn't necessarily the outcome I once thought it should be, but after all these years, please God, outcome."

The thing is, although He has the power to do anything and everything, He did nothing.

Oh, I think it's normal and totally understandable to have these conditions, but it's just not what God wants.

Unconditional obedience while knowing He alone, is more than enough is the IT I've been looking for.

If anything, I'm taking this process as my another season of pruning.

What if after all these stuffs I had gone through, God suddenly asked me to change direction, to pray for something or someone else?

I don't know, but I'mma still fully obey,

His purpose never fails

What strengthens me this year, is that I have the privilege to see God's purpose being revealed in my life. I should have told the 3 years ago me (and the future me) that,
"Not only obedience, but your obedience AND God's time will position yourself to receive God's purpose. Don't you be impatient to understand God's purpose. Surrender your will and trade it for God's, because in His time, He will show to you as long as you obey. So, hello from the other side!"

I do still care about the outcome, what is God's will for my life, and stuffs, it's just that I admit those things are never in my department to begin with. 

Obedience, is the one within mine.

Additionally, as long as I can see I'm walking with God while He's pruning me according to His purpose, I'm content.

Pastor Steve said:
"The key to persevering through a season of pruning is remaining CONFIDENT in God’s PURPOSE."

I delight in my persecutions, because I trust in God's presence,

I trust that God knows what's best for me,

and that Jesus is all I need.

And, hey! This is only the first month of 2016 and I can feel God's moving tremendously!

What has been my stumbling blocks all this time will become my stepping stones,

I'm coming out with something!

I'm over it!