Thus Far the Lord Has Brought Me

Look How He Lifted Me

2015 and I finally accomplished my study in Malaysia

Why is this such a big deal for me?

Well, because every single year is always a fighting for me and my family in many aspects.

I won't be exaggerating if I say it takes faith to go through these 6 years.

Academically, I failed some subjects, underloaded to 3 subjects per semester in order to 'survive', and still struggled each semester. 

Especially the last semester, I really don't get why, but my sensor got burnt accidentally in week 11 which might cause my final year project to fail, 1 quiz + 2 last assignments in week 12, FYP presentation in week 13, and the finisher was done by final exams for two days straight in the first two days of week 14.

I wouldn't say that God was the One who did my last-and-the-hardest-paper on Tuesday, because if it was so, my paper would lead my examiner to repentance when he read it. But I truly believe, when I fell sick just the day before the first paper, it was God who strengthened me physically and morally to keep on studying and then finally finish em all.

It's funny though, how doubt came knocking on my door like a regular customer when I was waiting for my results to be released. There were many confirmations I received from my devotional time and even on the day of the result announcement, Elevation Worship posted something like this:
"God has already worked out what you're worried about." - Pastor Steven Furtick"

Yes, I felt nervous thinking of my results, but I believed when I've given my best, the next thing I ought to do is let God do the rest. So, I made my waiting time into working time.
I met with many people, served God by doing what I can do: Being the hospitality team for our church's guest speakers, helping my friends who moved out to another place, etc. Truly, I'm still grateful that I did so, I did not waste my time worrying what God has worked out.

"I don't worry, I worship" - Steven Furtick

Glad that I did the latter.

I Went After It

1 Sam 17:34-35 (ESV)

But David said to Saul, “Your servant used to keep sheep for his father. And when there came a lion, or a bear, and took a lamb from the flock,
I went after him and struck him and delivered it out of his mouth. And if he arose against me, I caught him by his beard and struck him and killed him.

Pastor Steven said: "That's what I hope people will say about me as a preacher, "that boy went after it, that boy preached till he couldn't preach anymore, that boy left it all out there in the pulpit, he went after it""

So here's my version:
I might get too hyped when worshipping God on-stage that I was off pitch many times, but I went after it.
I'm not the best singer people would've met in church, but, I still went after it. I keep on worshipping God no matter where I am.
I often thought too much until my goalkeeping was pretty clumsy sometimes, but I went after it.
I got too emotional when leading prayers that I have these slips of tongue every once in a while, but I went after it.

I want people not to see as a perfectly fine person because I'm not, but I really want that they see me as someone who "goes after it".
I'mma give my best shots each time my friends and I spend time together.
I'mma give my best to bring out the best in people around me.

What I do is not perfect, but I go after it.

I Have Nothing to Prove, Only One to Please

People asked me whether or not I'd finished my work in Malaysia.

I said "yes, absolutely"

Not only I finished my part, I'd prepared my friends to continue our works in FGCC Malaysia and even how to prepare their successors.

Back then, people often said my style of leading people is too harsh, some questioned my values, while some doubted my methods and the other assumed things- without really knowing what really happened between me and my friends or mentees.

I'm not saying that we don't have to improve and evaluate ourselves, it's mere arrogance, but beside having the right response in this kind of season, I also believe we ought to stay true to what God has called us to do, and I know that I have this holy discontent about young leaders.

I believe everyone is a leader in their own respective area. So that is why I devote myself into mentorship, learning more about it and being hated because of it.

While I had indeed made some wrong decisions previously, I'm also getting better at making right decisions. That is called growing and maturing, I believe.

Although some things I do will cause oppositions, I will not change my stand.

Even if I was given a chance to go back to the past, I would still choose and do the same things over and over again. 

Even if it means to be jeered at for doing it, I still will do the same thing.

Why?

Maybe because I know that my audience is not you, but God.

Through all these experiences, I learnt what they mean by giving up your right to be justified.

Real life situations, my friends heard things from other people about certain issues. I don't know which translation version they used, but I strongly believe if I was invited to their discussion, their stories would be a little bit different even if I did not speak any words. 

I hope you get what I mean.

Too often we try and even put our lives into justifying ourselves, to the extent that we don't have the chance to experience how God justifies us.

And too often we play the victim, and y'know, everybody can play the victim, it's easy.
I refused to have the victim mentality by explaining the real situations to just everybody.
Some people might not even be interested in the facts anyway.
It is less likely that people will clear up the misunderstandings they have caused and rarely people talk about others' strengths instead of weaknesses.

Let me put this in another way, if your gossipers won't bother clean up their mess, why should you, clean up their mess by trying to explain and prove everything you have done every single time? 

Ain't it tiring, peeps?

Romans 8:37 (ESV)
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

How can we become 'more than conquerors' if we let other people's voice define our reality?
Shouldn't we let God's Word define our reality?
Do not be a slave of people's opinions.
You have one true Master, it is God, not you yourself and certainly not the gossip.
Whether or not you read your Bible will determine your life.

This is necessary, however, to surround yourself with people who will get you closer to God, even if it means sometimes they need to support your decisions and the other time they rebuke you for your (pre or post) bad decisions, yet they still accept you just as you are.
Be transparent with them.

You can only grow in community, make sure your community is healthy not only for your happiness, but your inner man.

"You cannot grow in isolation. You can only grow in community." - A. R. Bernard

If something you have done is right, I believe God will make it right and clear the misunderstanding in front of people.
Otherwise, He won't (and then sends people to remind or rebuke you).
He might justify it later in this world or maybe in the later world, because everyone would be responsible for everything they have done and said.
However, even if He doesn't, it means the misunderstanding itself is not a big deal.
Simple!

Phil 3:15 (ESV)
Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.

I believe what Phil 3:15 says and you know what? 

Your actions reflect your beliefs.
That's why I act this way, because it reflects what I believe or especially Whom I have believed.

I have nothing to prove and only One to please

So Long, Malaysia

I thank God for my community, FGCC Malaysia.

I am a product of community, it doesn't take miraculous event to help me be an Indra Tan, it doesn't take a wonderful activity, or complicated strategy. 

God works on me tremendously through my community.

and especially my mentors: Ko Eddy Chang, Kak Tama Pakpahan and Kak Dicky for your impacts in my life, your relentless supports, prayers, and constructive rebukes. 

Your lives influence me to be the person I am right now.

  

  

Thank you Malaysia for this 6-year experience.
It has been a great journey.

I am moving on to the next stage.

Soredewa mata!

I Am Not Forgotten

Hola, short update on my blog. I'm going to write some great experiences I had recently. Yes I know I'm supposed to study for my final papers and finish my FYP progress for this semester instead of writing this down.

This semester I entered some futsal competitions with my friends, and we won some, woohoo...
Can I be honest (well, I'm always honest... I was only asking this because I could only think of this sentence at moment) that I'm really really happy that I received a proper training in futsal?
I started to train my futsal goalkeeping ability in 2013, which is last year. So I was playing mini soccer instead of futsal in my previous years, I guess.

Praise God for my coaches, Kevin Yee and Vedo Irawan that continuously help me to correct my forms.
+ Valiant Ibrahim that fights together with me, that we encourage one another during training sessions and even matches (bareng2 dicupu2in, dibohongin, ditindas, n dianiaya sama si Vedo. Pokoknya selalu bareng dah).

Long story short, our self-proclaimed "Happy 3 Friends" initiated an intensive futsal training for ourselves, which then mainly consist of Sunesia (old) players.

I don't think wearing turtleneck will do any harm

AUISS Cup 2014, bersama si MVP

Gua dan Uswah bukan kakak beradik btw

Personally I'm really proud of our jersey. This is the first jersey that I (we) have ever designed by ourselves, with a borrowed tagline from Leonis FC: Our Blood, Our Sweat, Your Tears! (peace y'all).

Olaf FC, Titan Futsal League Division 2 (Season 2)

Sunesia Reunited, ISCF Cup 2014

Promosi Black Out Jersey

Meeting with Sunesia players did not disappoint me (biasa, nuansa reunian itu hangat2, tidak ada kebencian, tidak ada permusuhan, semacam nuansa lebaran atau natalan dah. Apalagi pada bawa pacar n istri masing2, woy gua kapan?)

Especially because I had a chance to talk with their ex captain, Mario Satya Wirawan, whom I respect since I joined ISCF. One thing I admire from him: a fighter mentality.

When we were having our supper, he mentioned this one phrase that I remember until now: 

Stay honest!

This post ain't much, but I want to draw a connecting line from "Stay honest" with "I am not forgotten".

During my own "stay honest" phase, I felt like I went through a desert where I felt like I was neglected. I didn't find what I really needed, I kept on doing mundane things noone was with me at that time and it felt really bad.

I almost gave up, but I stayed honest about my fervour, stayed faithful in doing my passion and calling even when I was all alone.

You might say I was shaped through all of that, yes I was, but I remained myself.

God cannot bless who you pretend to be - Steven Furtick

 

Nevertheless, God never forgets about me.

For instance, He remembered that I like to play futsal in spite of my many activities.

1.5 years after I quit playing for a while, I was "found" by Vedo who happened to play in Monash and introduced me to Monash captain (bla bla bla, you've known the story or if you haven't you can read it HERE)

I was kinda short of money, but God let me play futsal and train for Monash, for free. 

Even better, I have Monash Univ jerseys for free as well (thanks Monash, ha!).

I always wished to receive futsal trainings, and I did.

I dreamt of playing in an international team, I did play for Monash and Olaf (and train with Leonis) and against great players.

I wanted to win (who doesn't?) a non-Indonesian futsal tournament, I did.

I wanted to design my own jersey, we did, this year.

You see, some of those things are the ones I never actually prayed for (that's also why I typed them in past tense). 

I thought they were impossible, unrealistic, or egoistic, so I didn't even pray about them.

But God knows the details and gives me chance to pursue my dreams

and I'm sure He will give everything He sees good for us without holding back.

These are just a few from the list of my answered prayers, which I can't tell here as they are personal. :)

God remembers, I am not forgotten!

If you want, you can say that this is the best moment in my life.

Yes it is, yet for now.

I still feel that there is something more waiting for me.

There are greater things that God has prepared for me, while He's preparing me for 'em.

If you just stay honest (be different, be who God has made you to be) and stay faithful in your struggles, God will prepare you for His promotions and greater blessings.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. - Phil 1:6

It's A New Season

It's a new season, it's a new day.

A fresh anointing is flowing my way.

It's a season of power and prosperity.

It's a new season coming to me.

That's from Israel Houghton's song, New Season.

How I wish that while I sing this song, a new season, a good start for me, a perfect season to step out into new level is coming to me.

But nope, I indeed made a step into a new level, however with a "not so good" start.

Here's the story, I was given a privilege, to play for an International-level futsal team, called Leonis (only one time, one golden chance. See the reason why I desperately wished for a good start?)

We won 11-5, it was okay, but bad for me as 2-3 goals were my silly mistakes.

Ironically, it's enough reason for me to feel really down.

Before going on, some of y'all might wonder how come I was asked to play for this Leonis team.

I have a connection, a friend, a great futsal player with many haters (soalnya muka n gayanya sengak), Vedo Irawan.

We met in 2010 in FGCC, and played futsal together, although he joined another team called Sunesia (I was in ISCF) that time.

Iseng buka foto2 lama, gua aja lupa ada foto ini

This guy has been pursuing his passion and love about futsal, until he reaches international level, which is rare for Indonesian students like us.
He is also the guy who introduced me to Monash Futsal Captain, Shafiq and so I was invited to join Monash training since last year. Such an honour indeed, I started to meet and get to know Monash players, Coach Kevin Yee, RG boys, and even some of Malaysian-league futsal players (from PKNS and Selangor FC).

Shaf is the middle guy standing behind me, with a bitter facial expression, and there's Zec with his intimidating aura

While I thought I'd reached a university level (which I still need to learn a lot), Vedo had played in Leonis for a quite long time. Yes, I'm saying that we are in a different league.
This year, I was privileged to play again in Monash team, and we lost at the group stage #justsaying

I think we tried hard to smile, that's what I think though... btw ada Yudhi di kanan bawah, huoo

At the same time, I was invited by Vedo to come to Leonis training.
So I'm like "oh okay, this is a great chance for me to LEARN."
You can imagine how it goes for me, a newbie, self-proclaimed Goalkeeper, just barely played at university level, now trained with a semi-professional team.

Sounds humble? No, I just lack of confidence.
As Pastor Steven Furtick said, "preachers tend to be one of the most insecure groups of people on the planet" (Crash the Chatterbox)

Pamer foto lama doang sih ini bro

That's not a solid reasoning, but I'm that kind of people that often lack of confidence.
It might not seem so, yet my close friends understand this the most.

Back to my third paragraph above, I played bad during the game, I realized that I did uneccessary mistakes and felt unecessarily timid.
During evaluation, Vedo and Valiant (a futsal player from Sunesia, who has been going through almost the same portion of futsal training in Monash as me... My bad, he is even worse, he's a futsal maniac) gave their honest opinions and I learnt a lot from them.
Vedo added, "you set your goal too low, you need to set higher goal for yourself."
This hit me, y'know, because what he said was true, I was satisfied for just being able to training with Leonis, that's all.

One point I want to make clear about, if you wonder, of how three of us became really close.
It's really simple, it's just because we found similarities among us: We are passion and purpose driven type of people. (in this case, futsal)
Honestly, in regards of passion, I think I am the least driven compared to them.
That's why I'm really grateful for meeting them, they helped me a lot in pursuing my passion (as well as to remind me again about my purpose in Church, community, calling, and study)

Ceritanya abis maen buat RG Junior, I posted this on IG before. Btw belakang itu Yassin ya, Val?

Still, I thought of things like "I don't think I'm ready to play in (adult) International level yet" and "I suck, dude. I don't know what happened."
Then I remembered what my late American Football coach, Mr. Jeff Pelland said to me after I told him the same thing I thought of back then, "If you know that you played bad, then it's good. Why? Because you know what your mistakes are, so you will not do the same mistakes again."

Sunway Storms and Sunway Titans

The next thing I knew, I was remembering what Sidney Mohede shared in FGCC pre-Christmas celebration, 2009:
In Indonesia, he had become well known for his works, it's like there was no single person who did not know his name (even my old-school parents heard of him, no kidding, man). He was like, "I'm starting from 0, and I keep improving, now I'm at 9".
Then he was invited to lead worship in Taiwan, where he was needed to do that in mandarin, he can't even speak mandarin. So, he admitted that he felt so nervous as if he went back to 0 again.
But he then realized, he wasn't at 0, he was at 10, because as for that time, he had gone to International level. He said to himself "welcome to international world, man".

That's just a portion of his sermon, he wasn't showing off his fame or whatsoever, you can check his full sermon by ordering The Chronicles DVD from my friend, Sandy Ijaya through this number:
016 - 9968019.

"Worry is a down payment on a problem you may never have" - Joyce Meyer

I kept worrying especially after the game, and found no good thing resulted from doing that.

I felt like I messed up the game, but in case I forgot about it: I was playing for a semi-pro team, I SHOULD be thankful for that.
I know I'm not good enough to play a quality game in international level yet, but I've just arrived.
I'm stepping on it, I'm just starting.

(The funny thing is that Leonis players don't really make a big deal out of this, they don't show off their "international level" skills, they aren't confused, they aren't timid under the pressure. They are simply calm and confident, that's how they show their class.)

It took me some time to realize this again:
In the middle of our journey, we need to take a break and thank God for everything we have until now.
I'm not saying that we can feel satisfied and settle down from giving your best, that's arrogance.
I'm saying that we tend to catch up with this high pace world and competitive trends around us until we become discontent with everything. Yes, everything.
Arrogance starts when we stop being grateful (say "Amen", somebody).

I believe that when we forget to be grateful, we'll start taking all the credits for yourselves, that's arrogance.
We forget to thank God, our friends, our colleagues, or family as if we do everything on our own (if you feel that  you've been fighting alone all your life, I think you are wrong).
So, sometimes we just need to stop and say Ebenezer, thus far has the LORD helped us.

I had a bad start, but it won't stop me from learning and improving further.
To make it even further, I wanna thank God for everything before I go on.

I thank God for rare chances given to me and for He has led me thus far, I thank Vedo and Valiant for their supports and advice regarding my passion, I thank Kevin Yee-Bryan Lee-Pep Chia for Monash futsal, I thank ISCF for giving me such solid foundation before I ever moved on to another level, I thank Coach Yaser and Leonis whom I just met several times, I thank my close friends for being my "Lighthouse", I thank people who read this post in advance to check anything.
(I'm sorry if I'm gonna stop here, too much to be grateful for).

Now, I'm telling myself to move on and keep on learning from the opportunities given to me.
Imma keep walking on without leaving my gratitude behind.
It's a new season!