Hello From Guangzhou

大家你好，我是陈建成，终于update我自己的blog

I guess I haven't even learnt Internet slangs here, lol

So what's up everyone!

It feels like ages since I wrote my last post, due to a not-so-smooth-internet-connection-here-in-china reason I was unable (more likely lazy) to write a new post.

BUT since it's almost end of 2015, I tried to write some updates about my current life in Guangzhou, China. My exam is coming near (next week, peeps), and that's exactly when the most random ideas of my life usually come to me.

Coming 2-3 weeks late to GZ due to some personal issues, my mom and I arrived safe and sound on 10th of September 2015. While I once strongly believed that I would not have any problem about Chinese foods, they proved me wrong right on the first 3 days here.

Well, on the fourth day, we finally found out the way how to survive here :')

The next weeks, my dad took turn to visit me and brought me to visit our family at 陆丰 (LuFeng), where his parents originally came from and also to visit some family from my mom's side here at Guangzhou.

My 舅公s, from my dad's mom's side

My 舅舅's family, from mom's mom's side

Happy kid is happy to find good meal in China

Short update concerning my learning process here (as many of you doubt it), I was chosen as a 班长 (class rep) in my class and so far I think I managed quite okay for now. Do you know the feeling like you are finally one of the students who can catch up with the lessons after being so left out during your university life? It's okay, I'm talking to myself.

I did well for my class tests and received a second place in 汉字 writing competition even after all those grammatical errors, I believe it's called God's mercy hahahaha.

So for those who've asked about my development in Chinese language proficiency, I can assure you that I manage to speak considerably wonderful with Chinese children (or better, toddlers) without any problem #terussombong.

Our homeroom teacher loves to give presents if you do well in class tests

K上-1班

Pizza Party, y'all

I know some of y'all have been wondering about the church I attend to in China and how on earth did I manage to join them, doing this and doing that in such a short time.

So, before I actually came to China, I did this little research of "what church I should attend to in China", first of all by asking my seniors, which all of them refer to IFGF Guangzhou. I even asked Ko Eddy about IFGF beforehand and last semester I had a chance to talk with Vania Cristine, a youth leader from IFGF Karawaci.

I believe it's the same as how I build my relationship (be it about my future spouse or particularly my inner-circle friends), I met with the senior pastor of IFGF Guangzhou, Pastor Halim and his wife, ci Mimi to have some conversations and tried to understand what the vision and mission of IFGF GZ itself. Short story, through my long prayer since I was in Malaysia, I believed that God had called me to serve and be planted here.

Pastor Halim's Family

The time was really short until I had my first job to coordinate praise and worship for our retreat with Pastor Daniel Alexander, his wife, Tante Louise Alexander and Pastor Rudy. 

With the guest speakers, pardon my tired face

Pastor Halim and Ci Mimi (+ Ko Feiman) joined us

I love letters

The next week, Susuk Hokky and Ie2 Becca paid me a visit all the way from Batam. They went through such a long journey only to see my condition here (just kidding, they had their own business actually). Thank you for coming :)

Ditraktir makan enak, muahaha

According to my photos' date, two weeks later I met my former Monash engineering friend, Leo Sa (and his girlfriend + their friend) from Beijing.

and also my FIRST MENTEE EVER, Ricky Hadap, also from Beijing, who is now preparing himself to fully assist his dad's company. He came to visit the famous Canton Fair, if any of you is thinking about checking the chances and things like that circling around Chinese industrial world, just register yourself to this event.

Ricky si calon Bos Besar Surabaya, amin!

Leo Sa, calon Bos Underground Besar

The next thing I know, my dad and mom came again to GZ and thus we had some family quality time together to Shenzhen. "Splendid China" in Shenzhen is truly splendid, I'mma bring my future spouse here #justsaying. 

I'm too lazy to post all these many pictures, 算了吧。

Akhirnya bokap gua senyum di foto

Dancersnya cantik2, saudara2...

Speaking of which, my passion for futsal is somewhat there and not there, ha! Through some coincidental matches, our Indonesian friends from Jinan Benbu (Main Campus) gave me a chance to play for them in Jinan Uni's mini soccer tournament. 

Come on, the only time I played soccer after I graduated from senior high school was with ISCF, Nabil's team and Diego Michiels last semester. I don't have any preparation other than that, so this was truly reckless, I thought.

Well, turned out that my friends were so good that we ended up winning the tournament

I then came back to Malaysia for my convocation, meeting my old friends and close friends over there. Even received so many thoughtful gifts and words to accompany my journey in China, I feel so loved. 

Anyone close to me can confirm that I really love sincere and meaningful words, that's why I always keep letters/words sent to me. 

Thank you guys for coming to which they say as "one of one's biggest days" of mine.

#akhirnyalulusjuga

Happy Three Friends

Team Air Jordan, featuring Ko Crist

Ko Eddy Chang is preaching at Fresh Youth

非常感谢你们

Pipinya Charis jadi alasan utama mau diculik ke GZ sama Uncle Indra

I was also privileged to endorse Ozz Vampo's new customized jersey (Black and Green Camo Jersey) here in China, check out my aunt's shots, LOL! #terimakasihieie

Taken at 宝墨园, 广州

My first attempt to be a koko galak yang difoto model

Oh yeah, anyway, IFGF Guangzhou has just celebrated Christmas through a celebration called The Manger. Again, I was privileged to lead the team as the project manager and worship leader (whereas people mistook me for the preacher several times).

I love the team, I love their creativities, I'm inspired by how they give their all, in spite of the lack of sleeps that we had, but more importantly how we cover for each others.

Even Pastor Raymond confirmed our spirit of unity, which I always thank God for.

Kevin Stefano is the man behind this good-looking poster

Our DIY Christmas Tree that fascinated Pastor Raymond

Pastor Raymond from IFGF Surabaya

The Team

IFGF Guangzhou's Christmas Celebration: The Manger

My life here is so exciting, even though it does feel lonely without my close friends, while I believe that there is no better chance to build and enjoy my personal fellowship with Jesus even more, I remembered the past more than I usually did in Malaysia. All of those joyful, sour, bitter, happy, fun, exciting and even heartbreaking experiences.

Sometimes I still wonder why God led me to do some things that I hadn't even found a good reason behind them until now.

I wonder what if that time I made up my mind to believe the facts more than what God had convinced to me, I know it is not something I would be proud of myself doing, but I still think it would've spared me from heartaches and the drama. I would prefer to skip all those mundane and pointless waiting seasons.

And the moment I was about to publish this writing was when Pastor Steven posted something on his Facebook. God really uses this Moncks Corner preacher to bless my life tremendously.

I thought, I wondered, I struggled and many time I'm lost into my deep thoughts, yet thank to God, I don't live my life based on my wondering process, I live based on God's Word. So rest assured, I do not change even with so many question marks I carry until this day. 

Basically, I'm still doing what I have been doing since a long time ago, holding onto the truth, principles and values I've showed to some of you in many different occasions. I keep on keeping on even more devotedly.

Even if I'm going to be hated even more

Even if I'm accused for sharing corrupted values

Even if I'm standing alone

Greatness is always preceded by separation - Steven Furtick

Certainly, I will keep improving, stay humble to admit my mistakes and let people rebuke me, but I'm more determined than ever to finish whatever God has called me to do.

Thanks for staying updated with my news through my IG, Path, Facebook or messaging apps. Appreciate all your care and love.

Until then, guys :)

Thus Far the Lord Has Brought Me

Look How He Lifted Me

2015 and I finally accomplished my study in Malaysia

Why is this such a big deal for me?

Well, because every single year is always a fighting for me and my family in many aspects.

I won't be exaggerating if I say it takes faith to go through these 6 years.

Academically, I failed some subjects, underloaded to 3 subjects per semester in order to 'survive', and still struggled each semester. 

Especially the last semester, I really don't get why, but my sensor got burnt accidentally in week 11 which might cause my final year project to fail, 1 quiz + 2 last assignments in week 12, FYP presentation in week 13, and the finisher was done by final exams for two days straight in the first two days of week 14.

I wouldn't say that God was the One who did my last-and-the-hardest-paper on Tuesday, because if it was so, my paper would lead my examiner to repentance when he read it. But I truly believe, when I fell sick just the day before the first paper, it was God who strengthened me physically and morally to keep on studying and then finally finish em all.

It's funny though, how doubt came knocking on my door like a regular customer when I was waiting for my results to be released. There were many confirmations I received from my devotional time and even on the day of the result announcement, Elevation Worship posted something like this:
"God has already worked out what you're worried about." - Pastor Steven Furtick"

Yes, I felt nervous thinking of my results, but I believed when I've given my best, the next thing I ought to do is let God do the rest. So, I made my waiting time into working time.
I met with many people, served God by doing what I can do: Being the hospitality team for our church's guest speakers, helping my friends who moved out to another place, etc. Truly, I'm still grateful that I did so, I did not waste my time worrying what God has worked out.

"I don't worry, I worship" - Steven Furtick

Glad that I did the latter.

I Went After It

1 Sam 17:34-35 (ESV)

But David said to Saul, “Your servant used to keep sheep for his father. And when there came a lion, or a bear, and took a lamb from the flock,
I went after him and struck him and delivered it out of his mouth. And if he arose against me, I caught him by his beard and struck him and killed him.

Pastor Steven said: "That's what I hope people will say about me as a preacher, "that boy went after it, that boy preached till he couldn't preach anymore, that boy left it all out there in the pulpit, he went after it""

So here's my version:
I might get too hyped when worshipping God on-stage that I was off pitch many times, but I went after it.
I'm not the best singer people would've met in church, but, I still went after it. I keep on worshipping God no matter where I am.
I often thought too much until my goalkeeping was pretty clumsy sometimes, but I went after it.
I got too emotional when leading prayers that I have these slips of tongue every once in a while, but I went after it.

I want people not to see as a perfectly fine person because I'm not, but I really want that they see me as someone who "goes after it".
I'mma give my best shots each time my friends and I spend time together.
I'mma give my best to bring out the best in people around me.

What I do is not perfect, but I go after it.

I Have Nothing to Prove, Only One to Please

People asked me whether or not I'd finished my work in Malaysia.

I said "yes, absolutely"

Not only I finished my part, I'd prepared my friends to continue our works in FGCC Malaysia and even how to prepare their successors.

Back then, people often said my style of leading people is too harsh, some questioned my values, while some doubted my methods and the other assumed things- without really knowing what really happened between me and my friends or mentees.

I'm not saying that we don't have to improve and evaluate ourselves, it's mere arrogance, but beside having the right response in this kind of season, I also believe we ought to stay true to what God has called us to do, and I know that I have this holy discontent about young leaders.

I believe everyone is a leader in their own respective area. So that is why I devote myself into mentorship, learning more about it and being hated because of it.

While I had indeed made some wrong decisions previously, I'm also getting better at making right decisions. That is called growing and maturing, I believe.

Although some things I do will cause oppositions, I will not change my stand.

Even if I was given a chance to go back to the past, I would still choose and do the same things over and over again. 

Even if it means to be jeered at for doing it, I still will do the same thing.

Why?

Maybe because I know that my audience is not you, but God.

Through all these experiences, I learnt what they mean by giving up your right to be justified.

Real life situations, my friends heard things from other people about certain issues. I don't know which translation version they used, but I strongly believe if I was invited to their discussion, their stories would be a little bit different even if I did not speak any words. 

I hope you get what I mean.

Too often we try and even put our lives into justifying ourselves, to the extent that we don't have the chance to experience how God justifies us.

And too often we play the victim, and y'know, everybody can play the victim, it's easy.
I refused to have the victim mentality by explaining the real situations to just everybody.
Some people might not even be interested in the facts anyway.
It is less likely that people will clear up the misunderstandings they have caused and rarely people talk about others' strengths instead of weaknesses.

Let me put this in another way, if your gossipers won't bother clean up their mess, why should you, clean up their mess by trying to explain and prove everything you have done every single time? 

Ain't it tiring, peeps?

Romans 8:37 (ESV)
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

How can we become 'more than conquerors' if we let other people's voice define our reality?
Shouldn't we let God's Word define our reality?
Do not be a slave of people's opinions.
You have one true Master, it is God, not you yourself and certainly not the gossip.
Whether or not you read your Bible will determine your life.

This is necessary, however, to surround yourself with people who will get you closer to God, even if it means sometimes they need to support your decisions and the other time they rebuke you for your (pre or post) bad decisions, yet they still accept you just as you are.
Be transparent with them.

You can only grow in community, make sure your community is healthy not only for your happiness, but your inner man.

"You cannot grow in isolation. You can only grow in community." - A. R. Bernard

If something you have done is right, I believe God will make it right and clear the misunderstanding in front of people.
Otherwise, He won't (and then sends people to remind or rebuke you).
He might justify it later in this world or maybe in the later world, because everyone would be responsible for everything they have done and said.
However, even if He doesn't, it means the misunderstanding itself is not a big deal.
Simple!

Phil 3:15 (ESV)
Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.

I believe what Phil 3:15 says and you know what? 

Your actions reflect your beliefs.
That's why I act this way, because it reflects what I believe or especially Whom I have believed.

I have nothing to prove and only One to please

So Long, Malaysia

I thank God for my community, FGCC Malaysia.

I am a product of community, it doesn't take miraculous event to help me be an Indra Tan, it doesn't take a wonderful activity, or complicated strategy. 

God works on me tremendously through my community.

and especially my mentors: Ko Eddy Chang, Kak Tama Pakpahan and Kak Dicky for your impacts in my life, your relentless supports, prayers, and constructive rebukes. 

Your lives influence me to be the person I am right now.

  

  

Thank you Malaysia for this 6-year experience.
It has been a great journey.

I am moving on to the next stage.

Soredewa mata!

Does It Matter?

Abraham aka Bapa Orang Beriman (the father of all who believe) is one of famous Bible VIPs you've ever heard, I believe. This post is going to discuss a little bit of his story, trust me, this is not gossiping.

Quick update, I've just finished my last papers on Tuesday, PTL!
I had crazy timetable this semester, seriously crazy and I'm crazily serious...
(Okay, it's cheesy, pardon me)
Because y'all didn't ask me what happened, so I'm not going to describe how busy it was.

Just recently, I finally got back to my long-forgotten activity: Meeting with people (people? what people?) Their questions were great, and truth be told, some were left unanswered due to my limitation of knowledge (pertanyaan2nya si Welni menyadarkan gua buat balik mendalami Alkitab lagi setelah beberapa lama vacuum).

I found many people think that the people in Bible were like "The Bible Superheroes" or something, they were born sensitive to God's voice, born as a faithful servant of God, or they lived their faithful life as God's people with minimized problems.
So they started assuming that communicating with God is limited to some people, even till this day.

No, it's not, peeps...
You can accuse people to be too spiritual compared to others, but what if I tell you that's it's a matter of perspective and expectation?
I mean, do you see God's Word as His Word so that you can know Him?
Do you expect to know Him deeper as you read the Scripture more?
Do you believe that more than you want to hear God's voice, He wants you to hear it?

"They are just too religious that's why they can speak like that"
No, they are not...
The same Bible they have, you have
The same Jesus they worship, you worship
The same seconds in a day they have, you have
Maybe they just desire more, expect more of God rather than us?
And especially, maybe they are just more obedient compared to us?

[1]

Many people can say how much they want to hear from God, but only a few of them actually do what's needed to hear from God.

You'll see, that even for some people that do hear from God, some things were not as clear as the sky you might have depicted about hearing from God.
And sometimes, to believe in God means to be prepared to do something ridiculous.
Oh, people won't always understand by the way, and you might not either.

Now, I'm bringing father Abraham back on screen...
What if I tell you that sometimes he doesn't even understand what he's doing?

"No, it's not possible, he's the father of our faith after all. He was close to God and he always heard from God"
Forget about "the father of all who believe", what about "the father who tried to kill his own son"?
Do you think he understood what he was doing when building the altar of sacrifice?

For the sake of modern illustration, I'm sorry if you think that I'm taking this story too far, let's say some people heard of it (didn't really happen though).
Seeing how it goes in this era, I would say they would start gossiping about him:
"Hey, do you hear about that old man who tried to kill his son?"
"Yeah yeah, I even heard that he was going to do it on an altar"
"For real? Anyway I don't think that son was his real son, I mean, he's old, you know"
etc etc...

And what would be the justification from Abraham?
"Well... God told me so"?? (so helpful, bro)
Some people who heard Abraham's old story partially might ask, "you mean that God who you said promised you to be a nation?"

You see, even if Abraham tried to justify his doing by saying that God didn't really mean to kill Isaac and stuffs, everything that was mentioned in Genesis 22:12, not everyone would believe or understand his story.
God knows Abraham's capability to handle His command, that's why He gave some "weird" commands to this old guy not other people.
I believe God still gives unexpected commands to His people, and that's precisely why some people including you yourself might not understand fully.

Isaiah 55:9 says:
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Abraham didn't really understand why he needed to sacrifice Isaac.

And if we were Abraham, you wouldn't, I wouldn't, we wouldn't. 

But, does it matter? God, in His mysterious ways, let Isaac live and showed His mercy and grace throughout Abraham's and Sara's life.

Abraham, while being given a promise to be a nation through Isaac, died before witnessing the fulfillment of God's promise. Does it matter?

History proved the fulfillment of God's promise anyway.

You, doing what God wants you to do while you don't really understand His intention, and some people try to talk you out of it or maybe say that you've heard wrong things.

Does it matter?

It's not like God will never give the revelation to His people, because sometimes He will, according to His will not ours. But what happen if He doesn't explain to you what He's doing through you?

And that's my question is about, does it matter?

God doesn't always make sense and He often works in ways we cannot see.

Does it matter?

You don't have to always understand, you don't have to make everybody understand either. As long as what you've heard is in harmony with the Scripture, stop giving your attention to satisfying people's doubts and start paying attention to what God wants you to do.

[1]

Pastor Steven said, "You cannot question every season of your life when you don't understand the purpose of it because God's provision are often hidden in plans we cannot understand until we get there"

"God, it is You who matters the most in my life. You can do everything, have everything in my life including my reasoning about Your ways. Teach me to abide in You, because I know that You are faithful forever and ever"


Reference

[1]                 A. Chai (2012). Cartoons for Faith [Online]. Available:
                      https://www.facebook.com/cartoonsforfaith

When It's Difficult to Hold On

Has it ever occured to you?
A period of wilderness in your life.
You walk and keep on walking, yet you don't know if you'll ever get out from it.
You hold on for so long, long enough that you start wondering why you are even here.
You pray, but it doesn't seem to change anything, neither you, nor the situation.

I don't know if you have experienced it,
some older people might say they've gone through it..
... the feeling when you lost your will to live, what's the purpose of continuing it.

I know I haven't lived long enough, and that's even scarier,
that I thought of things like this pretty early.

You often hear that the wilderness is not permanent, and you know that it's to prepare young generation of Israelites for God's promises for them.

Still, if nothing has ever happened since your first prayer here, you're goin to start to believe that it might not be preparing you for something better, you think that it's the fact of how you're gonna spend the rest of your life, that it's PERMANENT.
A life full of fights, accusations, misunderstandings, heartbreaking realities.

Oh, well, you might've tried to explain what God's called you to do to some people, and still can't be understood. And the truth is, the more you're trying, often the more you're talking yourself out of what God really wants.
You tried, and the voices and winds of accusations are getting even stronger instead.

And then, not only you lose the vision of why exactly you are doing what you are doing, but you don't understand what's on earth you have been doing ALL THIS TIME and what's left from God's promises for you, or or... what are actually the promises given to you? Did you actually hear any?

You know, this ain't a really happy state of mind or life.

You have lost the sharp edge of your life,
lost your passion,
lost your sight of God most of the time, no matter how hard you pray.
Even worse, you feel beaten up every time you wake up by the voices of chatterbox.

You prayed 'Sun Stand Still' prayers, yet the sun goes down.
You told yourself "just because your progress isn't obvious, it doesn't mean your faith is not working", and nothing worked.
You taught yourself "don't stop on 6", but your 7th day never comes.
2 years ago, I thought it was my last lap, nope
last year, I thought it was so, nay
this year, I can't even think of anything.
(I can't imagine the agony of walking in the wilderness for FORTY years, I'm like just about 1/5 way of it and feel like quitting many times)

Why, God?
I fight the battles You want me to, learn to do it in ways You love, and still I face great afflictions from the inside.
I once believed I was set apart for Your purpose, but now, it feels as if I'm set aside because of these set backs.
I don't mind walking extra miles anywhere You say, I know Your job scope often exceeds what I expect in the beginning, but I don't think I registered for these "extra courses" when I enrolled my life.
I'm okay with all those oppositions if they have purpose, but when will it stop hurting like it's hurting now? Is this a battle that's really worth fighting for? All those fights, all those sufferings, all those nights without sleep, all those prayers that seem unanswered.

For the very first time of my life, I waved a white flag to God.
That was when my Pastor prayed for me and mentioned about 'Second Wind',
to push myself one more time, as my finish line is drawing near, and it's really a shame to quit now.
With all my scepticism currently going on and on in my head, I thought,
"Pastor, that was what I told myself over and over again. So how can I believe that this time is going to be any different?"

But I didn't say that, I was afraid of missing something that God wanted to speak to me.
So I stayed silent.

If you asked me what's the purpose of this post...
Well I don't know, I'm looking for the answer too, for that question and for my questions about this journey.

Maybe, (just maybe, I don't know) God wants to teach me:
1. The true meaning of perseverance, no matter how high the tide's gonna be and how long it's gonna take, when you stand strong and believe in God, you will come out VICTORIOUS.
The Bible is full of people who stood strong even til the end.

2. The God's standardized that is often seen as hard (or harsh) preparations to prepare me for something God has prepared for me, so that I will be ready for greater blessings.
"Never doubt in the dark what God shows you in the light."

3. To fix my eyes on Jesus, "in every high and stormy gale my ANCHOR holds within the veil" that my faith won't be on what I'm doing but on what God's doing.
To show me that His promise is true no matter what, full stop.

4. To understand the true meaning of being set apart and anointed.
"To be anointed means to be singled out by God for special favours or responsibilities"

Last but not least, even the most important, it is.
5. To love the Lord my God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my strength and with all my mind.


For closing, I would like to write some things from the series Sticks and Stones by Pastor Steven Furtick:

I am anointed to accomplish my assignment

Just because I'm not visible doesn't mean I'm not valuable

It's the things that noone sees that produce the results that everyone wants - Craig Groeschel

I don't need a better assignment to have a greater anointing

I have nothing to prove and only One to please

Fix your eyes on Him and receive what only He can give

The Difference between Congregational Worship and a Concert

Retrieved from (thegospelcoalition.org)

John Piper, writing in 2008:

Thirteen years ago we asked: What should be the defining sound of corporate worship at Bethlehem, besides the voice of biblical preaching? 

We meant: Should it be pipe organ, piano, guitar, drums, choir, worship team, orchestra, etc. The answer we gave was “The people of Bethlehem singing.” 

Some thought: That’s not much help in deciding which instruments should be used. Perhaps not. But it is massively helpful in clarifying the meaning of those moments. 

If Bethlehem is not “singing and making melody to the Lord with [our] heart,” (Ephesians 5:19), it’s all over. We close up shop. This is no small commitment.

James K. A. Smith, writing last year, made a similar point. While there may be a few exceptions to what he says here, I think he’s exactly right with regard to the main thrust of Christian congregational worship.

1. If we, the congregation, can’t hear ourselves, it’s not worship.

Christian worship is not a concert. In a concert (a particular “form of performance”), we often expect to be overwhelmed by sound, particularly in certain styles of music. In a concert, we come to expect that weird sort of sensory deprivation that happens from sensory overload, when the pounding of the bass on our chest and the wash of music over the crowd leaves us with the rush of a certain aural vertigo. And there’s nothing wrong with concerts! It’s just that Christian worship is not a concert. Christian worship is a collective, communal, congregational practice–and the gathered sound and harmony of a congregation singing as one is integral to the practice of worship. It is a way of “performing” the reality that, in Christ, we are one body. But that requires that we actually be able to hear ourselves, and hear our sisters and brothers singing alongside us. When the amped sound of the praise band overwhelms congregational voices, we can’t hear ourselves sing–so we lose that communal aspect of the congregation and are encouraged to effectively become “private,” passive worshipers.

2. If we, the congregation, can’t sing along, it’s not worship.

In other forms of musical performance, musicians and bands will want to improvise and “be creative,” offering new renditions and exhibiting their virtuosity with all sorts of different trills and pauses and improvisations on the received tune. Again, that can be a delightful aspect of a concert, but in Christian worship it just means that we, the congregation, can’t sing along. And so your virtuosity gives rise to our passivity; your creativity simply encourages our silence. And while you may be worshiping with your creativity, the same creativity actually shuts down congregational song. 

3. If you, the praise band, are the center of attention, it’s not worship. 

I know it’s generally not your fault that we’ve put you at the front of the church. And I know you want to model worship for us to imitate. But because we’ve encouraged you to basically import forms of performance from the concert venue into the sanctuary, we might not realize that we’ve also unwittingly encouraged a sense that you are the center of attention. And when your performance becomes a display of your virtuosity—even with the best of intentions—it’s difficult to counter the temptation to make the praise band the focus of our attention. When the praise band goes into long riffs that you might intend as “offerings to God,” we the congregation become utterly passive, and because we’ve adopted habits of relating to music from the Grammys and the concert venue, we unwittingly make you the center of attention. I wonder if there might be some intentional reflection on placement (to the side? leading from behind?) and performance that might help us counter these habits we bring with us to worship.
You can read the whole thing here.

God does not show favoritism, but His love is so wide, long, high and deep that He can love you to a personal level

Untitled

I love You, God, with all my heart, all my soul and all my life.

I love...
Every time You show up, just like that, and silence all my doubts and fears,
every time You teach me Your holy and perfect way,
every time You touch my heart and see me in my most vulnerable state.

I love...
The way You correct me and encourage me to get up over and over again,
the way You teach me how to love You and Your people,
the way You do miracles in Your time.

I'm learning...
To love You according to Your way, not mine,
to obey and trust in You in the wilderness,
to love all the seasons You lead me through

I love You, the righteous and faithful God.
Your law is my desire,
Your justice I long for,
Your mercy I need,
and Your love is greater than life itself.

"My hope secure, Your promise sure, Your love endures, always"
I love You for who You are

22, Single, Greater

Hola everyone, it's been my usual tradition to post something after my birthday just to say, "yes it's been a week, and you might've missed it". I come from a family that doesn't celebrate birthdays much, so my birthday was pretty much the same as my normal days. (the last time  my sister and I tried to organise a surprise birthday party for mom, it almost put me into an argument with dad *true story)

I've posted on my path, but...
I thank y'all for your words of encouragement, your thoughts and even for your gifts that soon to be delivered *muahahaha (assuming they were sincere).
I don't know why I thanked you sarcastically, but maybe it's because now I'm in Palembang right now where people talk like this all the time.

Arriving in Palembang right before Christmas 2014 gave me a chance to join Gereja Mawar Sharon (Rose of Sharon Church) Lighthouse's Christmas Celebration: Precious Moment.
The lead Pastor, ko Maxi Eduard Lonta, who spoke as that day's preacher ministered a really anti-mainstream message of Jesus Christ.

Rather than speaking the typical 'heart-warming' message of Christmas, he spoke the message of repentance continued with the message of salvation through Jesus Christ.
I saw this preacher got so fired up and shared the gospel, so I was like "preach on, pastor" almost all the time. I can say one thing for sure, this guy preached what God put in his heart.
I said, "I want to see how God uses this church, which is pastored by someone brave enough to speak out the message of repentance boldly" and I pray for it, I really do.

I'm grateful to meet someone who isn't sugar-coating the Word of God at my community.
This opportunity is really helping me to keep holding onto what I believe, as well as to find my own greater calling.
Currently I withdrew myself from my social medias (I'm still using some though, ain't gonna be a shut-in), which resulted me to have more self-control, more time for other useful activities, and even enabled me to reach serenity in living my life, HA!
But seriously, because I check on my news feed less, I become more spiritually and mentally fit when meeting my friends or having a one-on-one session. I think, being absorbed too much into these medias will only cause us to lose our Spirit-driven self control.

Especially when I was struggling in deciding my future career. If I were given a chance to do anything (without any consideration, it is), I would like to answer: "a pastor" or "a preacher".
Coming near to the end of my study in Malaysia, I struggled even harder.
My dad is a businessman and I'm the first child in my family.
It means my parents kinda have an expectation on me to own a business.
After months of praying, finally in January, I let go of my own ego.
Ego, you said?
Yes, because as I said, me being a pastor (in my own version) is egoistic.

Only right after I said to God, "If there is something I learn by not running away from what my parents told me, so be it, God", I saw where God wants to lead me to.
What if there is strength that I need to embrace along my journey?
What if there is a specific advantage God wants me to have by following this plan?
What if God's plan A is something I always refused to even consider?

I was reminded greatly, especially by GMS's fasting movement with the tagline "humility comes before honor".
"Humble yourself, Indra", I told myself.
I'm finding out God's purpose for my life in more specific ways and I would like to write a post about it when it becomes clearer.

Then I started 2015 with a unique circumstance, where we 'celebrated' our New Year in SGH Hospital, as my twin sister collapsed due to partying too much *yea right
We love this girl so much, to the extent that one of us wore a Stitch costume for her.

Jadi ceritanya gua ga ke Batam sendirian.
Anyway, muka Bri sangat menghibur di sini.

Mission Accomplished ya kawan2 :D

Hate me as you want, I'm posting it anyway.
Wellney 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that a brother put on a Stitch onesie for his sister 

Entering the age of 22, I felt like thanking Vedo Irawan for the first Leonis FC jersey he gave to me last year. Same number, eh?

Thank You, Jesus for my 22 years.
I know I've made the best possible choice to believe in You and trust You with my whole life.

One of the most often wishes I got recently was "cepet dapet jodoh ya" while I'm like "nah, not so soon, dude" hahaha.
Not that I don't support the gift of marriage, really, I'm all in for a godly marriage, but I don't agree with how most of us see the gift of singleness.

Truth be told, single is underrated.
There is this trend, or pattern, occur among us to treat singleness as a disability - an incomplete state of life - or even a problem.

"I'm just joking about it"
Okay, it's cool
But doesn't it still treat the gift of singleness wrongly?
It affects our perspective about singleness, much.

1 Corinthians 7:25-27 (ESV)

25 Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. 

26 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is.

27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife.

Does it sound like Apostle Paul was against the idea of marriage?

Nah, verse 28,

28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.

So...

It's good with your dream of marrying someone, but don't you know that it's good that you are single too?

Many things have happened to me, but I remain the same on my standpoint about this matter.
I may not be a suitable person to talk about relationships, marriages and stuffs, but let me talk from my own experience in the efforts of setting myself apart for God: Singleness is not a disease. Singleness is gold.
(you may see my 22 years without having dated anyone as my advantage or my disadvantage, your call)

Greater life doesn't occur only when "two become one", there is greater purpose when "one stays as one" as well.

When we say "Christ is enough", then in ALL seasons in our life, He never ceases to be enough, whether you are single or married.

Isn't it the best choice you've ever made to stay single rather than to marry wrong person?
The Bible said it best:

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife - Proverbs 25:24

But y'know what? Rather than marrying wrong person, it is worse to be a wrong person to get married to.
So don't be that kind of person, period.
Become someone whom you want to marry wants to marry.

I know this ain't gonna eliminate your question "when" or "who".

Having this kind of faith - that trusts what God speaks about singleness - won't make all your questions go away.

I believe that faith is not eliminating all the questions that might come up, it is trusting your questions to Someone with the highest authority.

The opposite of faith is not doubt, it’s certainty. - Anne Lamott

Nevertheless, as Pastor Steven declared: It's gonna be worth your while!

So even if there were times I asked "oh really, God?", I ain't rushing, no matter how many people that came and told me to do so (true story). Instead, I'm kind of able to figure out how my older friends feel during this situation.
To remain sanctified, complete in God's love and pure before God, should be our main concern.

I don't want to skip my current season, I'm embracing my season!

Ecclesiastes 3:1

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

Even If

December is not my favourite month, I think, yet it might symbolically represent the "month of completion" for me as much as January represent the "month of new beginning" (okay, it's just me)

I and my sister felt so happy to come home (it's such a rare occurence, y'know).
I'd finished my exams, completed my projects for the semester (FYP 1, Katam-Ciyu's Wedding, FGCC Sunday Services) and even delegated my tasks and vision-mission to my successors in Fresh Ministry: Jansen and Claudys.
Basically, I had accomplished almost all of my works in Malaysia, so I guess that's why I was really looking forward to this holiday period.

I had made this to-do list that I would do during holiday, some are doable, some are prayable, and the others are laughable:
1. Learn how to play guitar (oke, gitar si dedek ketuker sama gitar Deo, n lagi stay di Jakarta)
2. Finish the books that I brought: Blink (Malcolm Gladwell), Limitless (Nick Vujicic), Lead Like Jesus (Ken Blanchard and Phil Hodges)
3. Do some futsal coaching (dannn... temen2 gua sudah jarang maen futsal ya)
4. Get enough sleep (biar makin tinggi, tapi kayaknya ini tinggal angan2)
5. Come up with Fresh Ministry hoodie design
6. Understand and play with the Arduino language for the further development of my Final Year Project next semester
7. Gain some weight (pffft)

These activities were postponed somehow, as we went to Jakarta two days after I and my sisters arrived in Palembang for my dad's reunion and my friend's wedding (at where I received the weirdest question of all possible questions for me, "kapan nyusul, dra?" Gua next year baru 22 taun, saudara2)

Back to December, sorry I got a bit lost just now.
For me personally, I would like to call it as the month of transition.
As next semester will be my last semester in Monash, I've started planning what I'm going to do right after I graduate. I listed some possible options, consulted with my parents, mentors and close friends, and finally came up with a particular solution.

Nevertheless, the sense of worries and doubts started crippling.
I;mma tell you why.

1. What's the purpose, God?
Ever since I was born again (can't remember when to be exact), I prayed that I would live a Spirit-led life. Giving my best, serving God and the people while praying the same.
Yet in this last year of study, after all these things, I think, I barely see any progress.
There are some people grow up as what I ministered from God to them, this blesses me a lot, but many don't.
It's not "many" like legion or something like that, but the numbers are just devastating and even discouraging for me to keep on keeping on.

This brought me to ask God again "Did You really call me? Did You really call me to do this? I ain't hearing wrongly, am I?"
In the past several months, I'd been crashing this chatterbox over and over again (referring to Steven Furtick's latest book) while serving God.

"Will it be any use anyway? What's the purpose of doing this while many people don't even support you?"
were the questions that constantly came into my mind.

I opened my eyes, I saw people I care for compromise with their sins, that they told me that they wouldn't want to actually.
I opened my social medias, I got hot because of their posts (which is why I fasted from some of my medias for months).
I typed something and it hurt people (they said), is my short message that menacing or people are just getting further away from the truth and has trapped in their own compromise?

Ironically, I was worried of typing or saying even anything because of this fear.
I researched on Dale Partridge's blog, Ray Comfort's , and even Pastor Steven's to find out how they respond to such oppositions.
Still, it's scary how negative people can be towards these people.

2. What will I become?
I guess, because my last semester is coming, I asked this frequently.
I've mentioned about this struggle from academic side, but in fact, I'm experiencing in my aspects, including spiritual aspect.

After I 'graduate' from FGCC, what church will I join? What kind of church? What area of ministry? Will I be able to serve like how I serve in FGCC in China?
to the question such as:
Will I be able to play futsal in same or higher level?

I'm starting to see that I have kind of settled down in FGCC, in Malaysia. With all my achievement (I know they are not that great actually, but still they are not instant), how am I going to "level up" in another place?

Simply put, I indirectly questioned about God's ability to put all things together for my good.
This took me days before I realized it.
During my flight to Jakarta, Spirit of God spoke to me in while I was thinking all these lesser priority stuffs, "Why are you making it sound as if you are going to face your life all alone?"

I worried whether or not I would serve God again in leading worship at my church (wherever it is), I worried whether or not I would have the chance to learn to be a preacher, I worried whether or not my style of preaching is acceptable at that church, I worried and I worried that I forgot the One who had called me here.

I thank God for people that helped me to see from different perspectives regarding this "next church" matter, Ricky Hadap, kak Tama n ci Yuyu, Jansen Karim, Brian Adam and Hao2. You guys might not realize it, but your simple messages were really helping me in the time of doubts.

I asked myself, "does it really matter if I would serve like how I expected to be? Doesn't what matter most is that I do whatever God calls me to do?"
Ps. Philip Mantofa said in his sermon "God is not done with you yet".
So why... are you worried, Indra?

For my number one question, I rewatched Ps. Steven Furtick's "Don't Stop On 6" Hillsong Conference 2014 version (love you Pastor Steve, thanks) and was reminded of how obedience is in our department and outcome is in God's, I remembered how Pastor Steven emphasized on standing strong even when nobody supported him or when many people seemed to turn against him even when he did what God told him to do.
Why... are you scared?

I wrote in my previous post of how some things do not make sense even until now.
Again, as if God asked me "if you were given a chance to go back to the past, would you do the same thing?"
Oh yeah, sure, I'd do it again because I know who had called me to do so.
Even if I'm feeling like crap because of that,
even if I'm constantly in doubt because everything doesn't seem to make any sense,
even if I had been disrespectful to God because I experienced what wasn't caused by what I did.
I would do it, again, because God told me to.

I asked myself, "isn't this resolution enough for you to believe God's heart when you can't see His hands?"
I once asked "how to have an 'even if' relationship with God when God had given His love before we even started to love Him?"
and God had led me to have this story where I need to keep my faith, to love God EVEN IF what God's doing doesn't seem to make any sense.

Will you still love God even if He disappoints your expectations?

I love this quote, so I'mma write it again:
“When I realize that everything that is happening to me, is to make me more Christ-like it solves a great deal of anxiety.”- A.W. Tozer

A Not-So-Short Random Post

I think it's a good time to write a totally random post, so here I am.

Soon after finishing my exam, I and my friends were busy organising my mentors' (Kak Tama Pakpahan - Ci Yuriko Kesuma) wedding celebration.

I thank people who still participated in the committee in spite of their exam preparation period, y'all are such a great help.

Thank you Katam and Ciyu for giving me the privilege!

(this might be my first and last time for being an EO for a wedding celebration, seriously)

Having accomplished my tasks, I finally had free time to meet with my another mentor, Kak Dicky Sudrajad. I love how God works in their family, especially him, as the leader. He is the one who introduced me to apologetics ministry and it's just so awesome to know that the same vision is there, even though God had called us to serve in His different fields for a moment.

I told him about my vision, future plans (career and study) for my last (next) semester and even for the next 5-10 years. He helped me in focusing my vision according to what we trust as my calling, and even to the further topic, relationship.

Man, this is why I love talking to my mentors! 

Anywayy,

recently the feeling of anxiety was still lingering within me.

I still asked, "Why did I need to go through all those things? It did not make sense, and even now it still doesn't."

It's the same thing as what Christine Caine said, "Ask yourself this frequently: what is this here to teach me", the question appeared, however, with my own unnecessary anxieties.

On Sunday, 07/12/14, my Pastor, ko Eddy Chang ministered a message from Abraham and Lot in Genesis 13:1-13, of how Abraham was totally relaxed with how things developed between their two groups of many people, he gave his nephew the freedom to choose the best land (Lot did, as if he didn't consider his uncle's future), so Lot chose the hole Jordan Valley, meanwhile Abraham settled in the land of Canaan.

My pastor said:  That exact humility showed how Abraham placed his trust in God. We can see how God blessed him afterwards.

You see, from what I read, Lot did not desire the land of Canaan, he desired somewhere he thought better (well-watered like the garden of the LORD), the Jordan Valley. Abraham, on the other hands, was like "well, if you go there, I'll stay here, anything for you, my beloved nephew."

Funny thing is that the land that Abraham chose to stay at (like randomly), the land that did not fascinate Lot's eyes, would be the Promised Land for the Israelites. Yes, THE Promised Land that was described as "the land flowing with milk and honey" hundreds of years later.

The presence of God changes everything.

I asked myself: do you still trust God even when He has led you to this dry land? Trust that He will bless the land He has brought me to?

Obedience is all that matters. Obedience is the proof that you love God.

Everyone can claim they love God, but the difference is in their obedience.

The finishing blow for my anxieties was actually something I had read (and even saved on my note) previously. When I was ready to face my fears and hurts (I sorta ran away from some hurtful things, I admit) and desperately asked God "What do You want to teach me?", I started to see the things I need to learn and pick up along my journey, God-like characters and lifestyles.

Joseph did not do anything wrong, but his brothers hated him nevertheless. 

If I were Joseph, at this point I would say that my only mistake was tell my God's vision to my brothers and started to despise myself for that while working in the prison.

David served Saul with his talents sincerely but Saul envied and started the man hunt. 

If I were David, I might question if God really called me to serve Him this way.

Luckily I have the chance to learn from them, not the other way round.

“When I realize that everything that is happening to me, is to make me more Christ-like it solves a great deal of anxiety.”- A.W. Tozer

Yesterday, Elevation released their weekly sermon (still in Surround series, if you wonder) called Let's Bring It Full Circle. I watched the preview, Pastor Steven said:

God says, "I don't measure the size of the circle, I measure the size of the sacrifice that the circle represents."

and all the things that came up together made me decide to write this post.