Does It Matter?

Abraham aka Bapa Orang Beriman (the father of all who believe) is one of famous Bible VIPs you've ever heard, I believe. This post is going to discuss a little bit of his story, trust me, this is not gossiping.

Quick update, I've just finished my last papers on Tuesday, PTL!
I had crazy timetable this semester, seriously crazy and I'm crazily serious...
(Okay, it's cheesy, pardon me)
Because y'all didn't ask me what happened, so I'm not going to describe how busy it was.

Just recently, I finally got back to my long-forgotten activity: Meeting with people (people? what people?) Their questions were great, and truth be told, some were left unanswered due to my limitation of knowledge (pertanyaan2nya si Welni menyadarkan gua buat balik mendalami Alkitab lagi setelah beberapa lama vacuum).

I found many people think that the people in Bible were like "The Bible Superheroes" or something, they were born sensitive to God's voice, born as a faithful servant of God, or they lived their faithful life as God's people with minimized problems.
So they started assuming that communicating with God is limited to some people, even till this day.

No, it's not, peeps...
You can accuse people to be too spiritual compared to others, but what if I tell you that's it's a matter of perspective and expectation?
I mean, do you see God's Word as His Word so that you can know Him?
Do you expect to know Him deeper as you read the Scripture more?
Do you believe that more than you want to hear God's voice, He wants you to hear it?

"They are just too religious that's why they can speak like that"
No, they are not...
The same Bible they have, you have
The same Jesus they worship, you worship
The same seconds in a day they have, you have
Maybe they just desire more, expect more of God rather than us?
And especially, maybe they are just more obedient compared to us?

[1]

Many people can say how much they want to hear from God, but only a few of them actually do what's needed to hear from God.

You'll see, that even for some people that do hear from God, some things were not as clear as the sky you might have depicted about hearing from God.
And sometimes, to believe in God means to be prepared to do something ridiculous.
Oh, people won't always understand by the way, and you might not either.

Now, I'm bringing father Abraham back on screen...
What if I tell you that sometimes he doesn't even understand what he's doing?

"No, it's not possible, he's the father of our faith after all. He was close to God and he always heard from God"
Forget about "the father of all who believe", what about "the father who tried to kill his own son"?
Do you think he understood what he was doing when building the altar of sacrifice?

For the sake of modern illustration, I'm sorry if you think that I'm taking this story too far, let's say some people heard of it (didn't really happen though).
Seeing how it goes in this era, I would say they would start gossiping about him:
"Hey, do you hear about that old man who tried to kill his son?"
"Yeah yeah, I even heard that he was going to do it on an altar"
"For real? Anyway I don't think that son was his real son, I mean, he's old, you know"
etc etc...

And what would be the justification from Abraham?
"Well... God told me so"?? (so helpful, bro)
Some people who heard Abraham's old story partially might ask, "you mean that God who you said promised you to be a nation?"

You see, even if Abraham tried to justify his doing by saying that God didn't really mean to kill Isaac and stuffs, everything that was mentioned in Genesis 22:12, not everyone would believe or understand his story.
God knows Abraham's capability to handle His command, that's why He gave some "weird" commands to this old guy not other people.
I believe God still gives unexpected commands to His people, and that's precisely why some people including you yourself might not understand fully.

Isaiah 55:9 says:
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Abraham didn't really understand why he needed to sacrifice Isaac.

And if we were Abraham, you wouldn't, I wouldn't, we wouldn't. 

But, does it matter? God, in His mysterious ways, let Isaac live and showed His mercy and grace throughout Abraham's and Sara's life.

Abraham, while being given a promise to be a nation through Isaac, died before witnessing the fulfillment of God's promise. Does it matter?

History proved the fulfillment of God's promise anyway.

You, doing what God wants you to do while you don't really understand His intention, and some people try to talk you out of it or maybe say that you've heard wrong things.

Does it matter?

It's not like God will never give the revelation to His people, because sometimes He will, according to His will not ours. But what happen if He doesn't explain to you what He's doing through you?

And that's my question is about, does it matter?

God doesn't always make sense and He often works in ways we cannot see.

Does it matter?

You don't have to always understand, you don't have to make everybody understand either. As long as what you've heard is in harmony with the Scripture, stop giving your attention to satisfying people's doubts and start paying attention to what God wants you to do.

[1]

Pastor Steven said, "You cannot question every season of your life when you don't understand the purpose of it because God's provision are often hidden in plans we cannot understand until we get there"

"God, it is You who matters the most in my life. You can do everything, have everything in my life including my reasoning about Your ways. Teach me to abide in You, because I know that You are faithful forever and ever"


Reference

[1]                 A. Chai (2012). Cartoons for Faith [Online]. Available:
                      https://www.facebook.com/cartoonsforfaith

When It's Difficult to Hold On

Has it ever occured to you?
A period of wilderness in your life.
You walk and keep on walking, yet you don't know if you'll ever get out from it.
You hold on for so long, long enough that you start wondering why you are even here.
You pray, but it doesn't seem to change anything, neither you, nor the situation.

I don't know if you have experienced it,
some older people might say they've gone through it..
... the feeling when you lost your will to live, what's the purpose of continuing it.

I know I haven't lived long enough, and that's even scarier,
that I thought of things like this pretty early.

You often hear that the wilderness is not permanent, and you know that it's to prepare young generation of Israelites for God's promises for them.

Still, if nothing has ever happened since your first prayer here, you're goin to start to believe that it might not be preparing you for something better, you think that it's the fact of how you're gonna spend the rest of your life, that it's PERMANENT.
A life full of fights, accusations, misunderstandings, heartbreaking realities.

Oh, well, you might've tried to explain what God's called you to do to some people, and still can't be understood. And the truth is, the more you're trying, often the more you're talking yourself out of what God really wants.
You tried, and the voices and winds of accusations are getting even stronger instead.

And then, not only you lose the vision of why exactly you are doing what you are doing, but you don't understand what's on earth you have been doing ALL THIS TIME and what's left from God's promises for you, or or... what are actually the promises given to you? Did you actually hear any?

You know, this ain't a really happy state of mind or life.

You have lost the sharp edge of your life,
lost your passion,
lost your sight of God most of the time, no matter how hard you pray.
Even worse, you feel beaten up every time you wake up by the voices of chatterbox.

You prayed 'Sun Stand Still' prayers, yet the sun goes down.
You told yourself "just because your progress isn't obvious, it doesn't mean your faith is not working", and nothing worked.
You taught yourself "don't stop on 6", but your 7th day never comes.
2 years ago, I thought it was my last lap, nope
last year, I thought it was so, nay
this year, I can't even think of anything.
(I can't imagine the agony of walking in the wilderness for FORTY years, I'm like just about 1/5 way of it and feel like quitting many times)

Why, God?
I fight the battles You want me to, learn to do it in ways You love, and still I face great afflictions from the inside.
I once believed I was set apart for Your purpose, but now, it feels as if I'm set aside because of these set backs.
I don't mind walking extra miles anywhere You say, I know Your job scope often exceeds what I expect in the beginning, but I don't think I registered for these "extra courses" when I enrolled my life.
I'm okay with all those oppositions if they have purpose, but when will it stop hurting like it's hurting now? Is this a battle that's really worth fighting for? All those fights, all those sufferings, all those nights without sleep, all those prayers that seem unanswered.

For the very first time of my life, I waved a white flag to God.
That was when my Pastor prayed for me and mentioned about 'Second Wind',
to push myself one more time, as my finish line is drawing near, and it's really a shame to quit now.
With all my scepticism currently going on and on in my head, I thought,
"Pastor, that was what I told myself over and over again. So how can I believe that this time is going to be any different?"

But I didn't say that, I was afraid of missing something that God wanted to speak to me.
So I stayed silent.

If you asked me what's the purpose of this post...
Well I don't know, I'm looking for the answer too, for that question and for my questions about this journey.

Maybe, (just maybe, I don't know) God wants to teach me:
1. The true meaning of perseverance, no matter how high the tide's gonna be and how long it's gonna take, when you stand strong and believe in God, you will come out VICTORIOUS.
The Bible is full of people who stood strong even til the end.

2. The God's standardized that is often seen as hard (or harsh) preparations to prepare me for something God has prepared for me, so that I will be ready for greater blessings.
"Never doubt in the dark what God shows you in the light."

3. To fix my eyes on Jesus, "in every high and stormy gale my ANCHOR holds within the veil" that my faith won't be on what I'm doing but on what God's doing.
To show me that His promise is true no matter what, full stop.

4. To understand the true meaning of being set apart and anointed.
"To be anointed means to be singled out by God for special favours or responsibilities"

Last but not least, even the most important, it is.
5. To love the Lord my God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my strength and with all my mind.


For closing, I would like to write some things from the series Sticks and Stones by Pastor Steven Furtick:

I am anointed to accomplish my assignment

Just because I'm not visible doesn't mean I'm not valuable

It's the things that noone sees that produce the results that everyone wants - Craig Groeschel

I don't need a better assignment to have a greater anointing

I have nothing to prove and only One to please

Fix your eyes on Him and receive what only He can give

The Difference between Congregational Worship and a Concert

Retrieved from (thegospelcoalition.org)

John Piper, writing in 2008:

Thirteen years ago we asked: What should be the defining sound of corporate worship at Bethlehem, besides the voice of biblical preaching? 

We meant: Should it be pipe organ, piano, guitar, drums, choir, worship team, orchestra, etc. The answer we gave was “The people of Bethlehem singing.” 

Some thought: That’s not much help in deciding which instruments should be used. Perhaps not. But it is massively helpful in clarifying the meaning of those moments. 

If Bethlehem is not “singing and making melody to the Lord with [our] heart,” (Ephesians 5:19), it’s all over. We close up shop. This is no small commitment.

James K. A. Smith, writing last year, made a similar point. While there may be a few exceptions to what he says here, I think he’s exactly right with regard to the main thrust of Christian congregational worship.

1. If we, the congregation, can’t hear ourselves, it’s not worship.

Christian worship is not a concert. In a concert (a particular “form of performance”), we often expect to be overwhelmed by sound, particularly in certain styles of music. In a concert, we come to expect that weird sort of sensory deprivation that happens from sensory overload, when the pounding of the bass on our chest and the wash of music over the crowd leaves us with the rush of a certain aural vertigo. And there’s nothing wrong with concerts! It’s just that Christian worship is not a concert. Christian worship is a collective, communal, congregational practice–and the gathered sound and harmony of a congregation singing as one is integral to the practice of worship. It is a way of “performing” the reality that, in Christ, we are one body. But that requires that we actually be able to hear ourselves, and hear our sisters and brothers singing alongside us. When the amped sound of the praise band overwhelms congregational voices, we can’t hear ourselves sing–so we lose that communal aspect of the congregation and are encouraged to effectively become “private,” passive worshipers.

2. If we, the congregation, can’t sing along, it’s not worship.

In other forms of musical performance, musicians and bands will want to improvise and “be creative,” offering new renditions and exhibiting their virtuosity with all sorts of different trills and pauses and improvisations on the received tune. Again, that can be a delightful aspect of a concert, but in Christian worship it just means that we, the congregation, can’t sing along. And so your virtuosity gives rise to our passivity; your creativity simply encourages our silence. And while you may be worshiping with your creativity, the same creativity actually shuts down congregational song. 

3. If you, the praise band, are the center of attention, it’s not worship. 

I know it’s generally not your fault that we’ve put you at the front of the church. And I know you want to model worship for us to imitate. But because we’ve encouraged you to basically import forms of performance from the concert venue into the sanctuary, we might not realize that we’ve also unwittingly encouraged a sense that you are the center of attention. And when your performance becomes a display of your virtuosity—even with the best of intentions—it’s difficult to counter the temptation to make the praise band the focus of our attention. When the praise band goes into long riffs that you might intend as “offerings to God,” we the congregation become utterly passive, and because we’ve adopted habits of relating to music from the Grammys and the concert venue, we unwittingly make you the center of attention. I wonder if there might be some intentional reflection on placement (to the side? leading from behind?) and performance that might help us counter these habits we bring with us to worship.
You can read the whole thing here.

God does not show favoritism, but His love is so wide, long, high and deep that He can love you to a personal level

Untitled

I love You, God, with all my heart, all my soul and all my life.

I love...
Every time You show up, just like that, and silence all my doubts and fears,
every time You teach me Your holy and perfect way,
every time You touch my heart and see me in my most vulnerable state.

I love...
The way You correct me and encourage me to get up over and over again,
the way You teach me how to love You and Your people,
the way You do miracles in Your time.

I'm learning...
To love You according to Your way, not mine,
to obey and trust in You in the wilderness,
to love all the seasons You lead me through

I love You, the righteous and faithful God.
Your law is my desire,
Your justice I long for,
Your mercy I need,
and Your love is greater than life itself.

"My hope secure, Your promise sure, Your love endures, always"
I love You for who You are

22, Single, Greater

Hola everyone, it's been my usual tradition to post something after my birthday just to say, "yes it's been a week, and you might've missed it". I come from a family that doesn't celebrate birthdays much, so my birthday was pretty much the same as my normal days. (the last time  my sister and I tried to organise a surprise birthday party for mom, it almost put me into an argument with dad *true story)

I've posted on my path, but...
I thank y'all for your words of encouragement, your thoughts and even for your gifts that soon to be delivered *muahahaha (assuming they were sincere).
I don't know why I thanked you sarcastically, but maybe it's because now I'm in Palembang right now where people talk like this all the time.

Arriving in Palembang right before Christmas 2014 gave me a chance to join Gereja Mawar Sharon (Rose of Sharon Church) Lighthouse's Christmas Celebration: Precious Moment.
The lead Pastor, ko Maxi Eduard Lonta, who spoke as that day's preacher ministered a really anti-mainstream message of Jesus Christ.

Rather than speaking the typical 'heart-warming' message of Christmas, he spoke the message of repentance continued with the message of salvation through Jesus Christ.
I saw this preacher got so fired up and shared the gospel, so I was like "preach on, pastor" almost all the time. I can say one thing for sure, this guy preached what God put in his heart.
I said, "I want to see how God uses this church, which is pastored by someone brave enough to speak out the message of repentance boldly" and I pray for it, I really do.

I'm grateful to meet someone who isn't sugar-coating the Word of God at my community.
This opportunity is really helping me to keep holding onto what I believe, as well as to find my own greater calling.
Currently I withdrew myself from my social medias (I'm still using some though, ain't gonna be a shut-in), which resulted me to have more self-control, more time for other useful activities, and even enabled me to reach serenity in living my life, HA!
But seriously, because I check on my news feed less, I become more spiritually and mentally fit when meeting my friends or having a one-on-one session. I think, being absorbed too much into these medias will only cause us to lose our Spirit-driven self control.

Especially when I was struggling in deciding my future career. If I were given a chance to do anything (without any consideration, it is), I would like to answer: "a pastor" or "a preacher".
Coming near to the end of my study in Malaysia, I struggled even harder.
My dad is a businessman and I'm the first child in my family.
It means my parents kinda have an expectation on me to own a business.
After months of praying, finally in January, I let go of my own ego.
Ego, you said?
Yes, because as I said, me being a pastor (in my own version) is egoistic.

Only right after I said to God, "If there is something I learn by not running away from what my parents told me, so be it, God", I saw where God wants to lead me to.
What if there is strength that I need to embrace along my journey?
What if there is a specific advantage God wants me to have by following this plan?
What if God's plan A is something I always refused to even consider?

I was reminded greatly, especially by GMS's fasting movement with the tagline "humility comes before honor".
"Humble yourself, Indra", I told myself.
I'm finding out God's purpose for my life in more specific ways and I would like to write a post about it when it becomes clearer.

Then I started 2015 with a unique circumstance, where we 'celebrated' our New Year in SGH Hospital, as my twin sister collapsed due to partying too much *yea right
We love this girl so much, to the extent that one of us wore a Stitch costume for her.

Jadi ceritanya gua ga ke Batam sendirian.
Anyway, muka Bri sangat menghibur di sini.

Mission Accomplished ya kawan2 :D

Hate me as you want, I'm posting it anyway.
Wellney 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that a brother put on a Stitch onesie for his sister 

Entering the age of 22, I felt like thanking Vedo Irawan for the first Leonis FC jersey he gave to me last year. Same number, eh?

Thank You, Jesus for my 22 years.
I know I've made the best possible choice to believe in You and trust You with my whole life.

One of the most often wishes I got recently was "cepet dapet jodoh ya" while I'm like "nah, not so soon, dude" hahaha.
Not that I don't support the gift of marriage, really, I'm all in for a godly marriage, but I don't agree with how most of us see the gift of singleness.

Truth be told, single is underrated.
There is this trend, or pattern, occur among us to treat singleness as a disability - an incomplete state of life - or even a problem.

"I'm just joking about it"
Okay, it's cool
But doesn't it still treat the gift of singleness wrongly?
It affects our perspective about singleness, much.

1 Corinthians 7:25-27 (ESV)

25 Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. 

26 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is.

27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife.

Does it sound like Apostle Paul was against the idea of marriage?

Nah, verse 28,

28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.

So...

It's good with your dream of marrying someone, but don't you know that it's good that you are single too?

Many things have happened to me, but I remain the same on my standpoint about this matter.
I may not be a suitable person to talk about relationships, marriages and stuffs, but let me talk from my own experience in the efforts of setting myself apart for God: Singleness is not a disease. Singleness is gold.
(you may see my 22 years without having dated anyone as my advantage or my disadvantage, your call)

Greater life doesn't occur only when "two become one", there is greater purpose when "one stays as one" as well.

When we say "Christ is enough", then in ALL seasons in our life, He never ceases to be enough, whether you are single or married.

Isn't it the best choice you've ever made to stay single rather than to marry wrong person?
The Bible said it best:

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife - Proverbs 25:24

But y'know what? Rather than marrying wrong person, it is worse to be a wrong person to get married to.
So don't be that kind of person, period.
Become someone whom you want to marry wants to marry.

I know this ain't gonna eliminate your question "when" or "who".

Having this kind of faith - that trusts what God speaks about singleness - won't make all your questions go away.

I believe that faith is not eliminating all the questions that might come up, it is trusting your questions to Someone with the highest authority.

The opposite of faith is not doubt, it’s certainty. - Anne Lamott

Nevertheless, as Pastor Steven declared: It's gonna be worth your while!

So even if there were times I asked "oh really, God?", I ain't rushing, no matter how many people that came and told me to do so (true story). Instead, I'm kind of able to figure out how my older friends feel during this situation.
To remain sanctified, complete in God's love and pure before God, should be our main concern.

I don't want to skip my current season, I'm embracing my season!

Ecclesiastes 3:1

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

Even If

December is not my favourite month, I think, yet it might symbolically represent the "month of completion" for me as much as January represent the "month of new beginning" (okay, it's just me)

I and my sister felt so happy to come home (it's such a rare occurence, y'know).
I'd finished my exams, completed my projects for the semester (FYP 1, Katam-Ciyu's Wedding, FGCC Sunday Services) and even delegated my tasks and vision-mission to my successors in Fresh Ministry: Jansen and Claudys.
Basically, I had accomplished almost all of my works in Malaysia, so I guess that's why I was really looking forward to this holiday period.

I had made this to-do list that I would do during holiday, some are doable, some are prayable, and the others are laughable:
1. Learn how to play guitar (oke, gitar si dedek ketuker sama gitar Deo, n lagi stay di Jakarta)
2. Finish the books that I brought: Blink (Malcolm Gladwell), Limitless (Nick Vujicic), Lead Like Jesus (Ken Blanchard and Phil Hodges)
3. Do some futsal coaching (dannn... temen2 gua sudah jarang maen futsal ya)
4. Get enough sleep (biar makin tinggi, tapi kayaknya ini tinggal angan2)
5. Come up with Fresh Ministry hoodie design
6. Understand and play with the Arduino language for the further development of my Final Year Project next semester
7. Gain some weight (pffft)

These activities were postponed somehow, as we went to Jakarta two days after I and my sisters arrived in Palembang for my dad's reunion and my friend's wedding (at where I received the weirdest question of all possible questions for me, "kapan nyusul, dra?" Gua next year baru 22 taun, saudara2)

Back to December, sorry I got a bit lost just now.
For me personally, I would like to call it as the month of transition.
As next semester will be my last semester in Monash, I've started planning what I'm going to do right after I graduate. I listed some possible options, consulted with my parents, mentors and close friends, and finally came up with a particular solution.

Nevertheless, the sense of worries and doubts started crippling.
I;mma tell you why.

1. What's the purpose, God?
Ever since I was born again (can't remember when to be exact), I prayed that I would live a Spirit-led life. Giving my best, serving God and the people while praying the same.
Yet in this last year of study, after all these things, I think, I barely see any progress.
There are some people grow up as what I ministered from God to them, this blesses me a lot, but many don't.
It's not "many" like legion or something like that, but the numbers are just devastating and even discouraging for me to keep on keeping on.

This brought me to ask God again "Did You really call me? Did You really call me to do this? I ain't hearing wrongly, am I?"
In the past several months, I'd been crashing this chatterbox over and over again (referring to Steven Furtick's latest book) while serving God.

"Will it be any use anyway? What's the purpose of doing this while many people don't even support you?"
were the questions that constantly came into my mind.

I opened my eyes, I saw people I care for compromise with their sins, that they told me that they wouldn't want to actually.
I opened my social medias, I got hot because of their posts (which is why I fasted from some of my medias for months).
I typed something and it hurt people (they said), is my short message that menacing or people are just getting further away from the truth and has trapped in their own compromise?

Ironically, I was worried of typing or saying even anything because of this fear.
I researched on Dale Partridge's blog, Ray Comfort's , and even Pastor Steven's to find out how they respond to such oppositions.
Still, it's scary how negative people can be towards these people.

2. What will I become?
I guess, because my last semester is coming, I asked this frequently.
I've mentioned about this struggle from academic side, but in fact, I'm experiencing in my aspects, including spiritual aspect.

After I 'graduate' from FGCC, what church will I join? What kind of church? What area of ministry? Will I be able to serve like how I serve in FGCC in China?
to the question such as:
Will I be able to play futsal in same or higher level?

I'm starting to see that I have kind of settled down in FGCC, in Malaysia. With all my achievement (I know they are not that great actually, but still they are not instant), how am I going to "level up" in another place?

Simply put, I indirectly questioned about God's ability to put all things together for my good.
This took me days before I realized it.
During my flight to Jakarta, Spirit of God spoke to me in while I was thinking all these lesser priority stuffs, "Why are you making it sound as if you are going to face your life all alone?"

I worried whether or not I would serve God again in leading worship at my church (wherever it is), I worried whether or not I would have the chance to learn to be a preacher, I worried whether or not my style of preaching is acceptable at that church, I worried and I worried that I forgot the One who had called me here.

I thank God for people that helped me to see from different perspectives regarding this "next church" matter, Ricky Hadap, kak Tama n ci Yuyu, Jansen Karim, Brian Adam and Hao2. You guys might not realize it, but your simple messages were really helping me in the time of doubts.

I asked myself, "does it really matter if I would serve like how I expected to be? Doesn't what matter most is that I do whatever God calls me to do?"
Ps. Philip Mantofa said in his sermon "God is not done with you yet".
So why... are you worried, Indra?

For my number one question, I rewatched Ps. Steven Furtick's "Don't Stop On 6" Hillsong Conference 2014 version (love you Pastor Steve, thanks) and was reminded of how obedience is in our department and outcome is in God's, I remembered how Pastor Steven emphasized on standing strong even when nobody supported him or when many people seemed to turn against him even when he did what God told him to do.
Why... are you scared?

I wrote in my previous post of how some things do not make sense even until now.
Again, as if God asked me "if you were given a chance to go back to the past, would you do the same thing?"
Oh yeah, sure, I'd do it again because I know who had called me to do so.
Even if I'm feeling like crap because of that,
even if I'm constantly in doubt because everything doesn't seem to make any sense,
even if I had been disrespectful to God because I experienced what wasn't caused by what I did.
I would do it, again, because God told me to.

I asked myself, "isn't this resolution enough for you to believe God's heart when you can't see His hands?"
I once asked "how to have an 'even if' relationship with God when God had given His love before we even started to love Him?"
and God had led me to have this story where I need to keep my faith, to love God EVEN IF what God's doing doesn't seem to make any sense.

Will you still love God even if He disappoints your expectations?

I love this quote, so I'mma write it again:
“When I realize that everything that is happening to me, is to make me more Christ-like it solves a great deal of anxiety.”- A.W. Tozer

A Not-So-Short Random Post

I think it's a good time to write a totally random post, so here I am.

Soon after finishing my exam, I and my friends were busy organising my mentors' (Kak Tama Pakpahan - Ci Yuriko Kesuma) wedding celebration.

I thank people who still participated in the committee in spite of their exam preparation period, y'all are such a great help.

Thank you Katam and Ciyu for giving me the privilege!

(this might be my first and last time for being an EO for a wedding celebration, seriously)

Having accomplished my tasks, I finally had free time to meet with my another mentor, Kak Dicky Sudrajad. I love how God works in their family, especially him, as the leader. He is the one who introduced me to apologetics ministry and it's just so awesome to know that the same vision is there, even though God had called us to serve in His different fields for a moment.

I told him about my vision, future plans (career and study) for my last (next) semester and even for the next 5-10 years. He helped me in focusing my vision according to what we trust as my calling, and even to the further topic, relationship.

Man, this is why I love talking to my mentors! 

Anywayy,

recently the feeling of anxiety was still lingering within me.

I still asked, "Why did I need to go through all those things? It did not make sense, and even now it still doesn't."

It's the same thing as what Christine Caine said, "Ask yourself this frequently: what is this here to teach me", the question appeared, however, with my own unnecessary anxieties.

On Sunday, 07/12/14, my Pastor, ko Eddy Chang ministered a message from Abraham and Lot in Genesis 13:1-13, of how Abraham was totally relaxed with how things developed between their two groups of many people, he gave his nephew the freedom to choose the best land (Lot did, as if he didn't consider his uncle's future), so Lot chose the hole Jordan Valley, meanwhile Abraham settled in the land of Canaan.

My pastor said:  That exact humility showed how Abraham placed his trust in God. We can see how God blessed him afterwards.

You see, from what I read, Lot did not desire the land of Canaan, he desired somewhere he thought better (well-watered like the garden of the LORD), the Jordan Valley. Abraham, on the other hands, was like "well, if you go there, I'll stay here, anything for you, my beloved nephew."

Funny thing is that the land that Abraham chose to stay at (like randomly), the land that did not fascinate Lot's eyes, would be the Promised Land for the Israelites. Yes, THE Promised Land that was described as "the land flowing with milk and honey" hundreds of years later.

The presence of God changes everything.

I asked myself: do you still trust God even when He has led you to this dry land? Trust that He will bless the land He has brought me to?

Obedience is all that matters. Obedience is the proof that you love God.

Everyone can claim they love God, but the difference is in their obedience.

The finishing blow for my anxieties was actually something I had read (and even saved on my note) previously. When I was ready to face my fears and hurts (I sorta ran away from some hurtful things, I admit) and desperately asked God "What do You want to teach me?", I started to see the things I need to learn and pick up along my journey, God-like characters and lifestyles.

Joseph did not do anything wrong, but his brothers hated him nevertheless. 

If I were Joseph, at this point I would say that my only mistake was tell my God's vision to my brothers and started to despise myself for that while working in the prison.

David served Saul with his talents sincerely but Saul envied and started the man hunt. 

If I were David, I might question if God really called me to serve Him this way.

Luckily I have the chance to learn from them, not the other way round.

“When I realize that everything that is happening to me, is to make me more Christ-like it solves a great deal of anxiety.”- A.W. Tozer

Yesterday, Elevation released their weekly sermon (still in Surround series, if you wonder) called Let's Bring It Full Circle. I watched the preview, Pastor Steven said:

God says, "I don't measure the size of the circle, I measure the size of the sacrifice that the circle represents."

and all the things that came up together made me decide to write this post.

Set Apart

Happy summer break, Monashians! Congratulation for clearing another semester of hardships, tears and sleepless nights, ancora imparo, ain't it?
I'mma make my holiday productive as usual, starting with reading these books, especially The New Answers 1 that I had actually read few chapters and gave up because the content requires high level of intelligence (and I said I study engineering?)

Fit to be Tied - Bill Hybels
The New Answers 1 - Ken Ham
Blink - Malcolm Gladwell

I spent my first hours of liberty by watching The Undertaker's (WWE) matches though.
Don't judge me, he is a legend

A little bit throw back:

Jansen Karim Zebua (Head of Praise and Worship Ministry) and Angelia Margaretha Wirawan (Head of Vocal Ministry) invited me to come to a worship seminar and it turned out that it was run by Worship Central.
Now we have Worship Central Malaysia *clapping sound effect

Can't say I'm a hardcore fan (like I am to Elevation. Speaking of which, EW will be releasing new album called "Wake Up The Wonder". Order them, you must.), but I do listen their songs, especially Spirit Break Out.

I met with Luke Hellebronth, his wife, Anna Hellebronth and Stewart Mcilrath.

Maaf gua sama Angel kurang tinggi

The better news is that they open Worship Central Academy in Malaysia, check it out HERE to apply.

I'm utterly excited, as I'm passionate about being a Youth Pastor or Worship Pastor (those are the things what God has planted in my heart), I might be able to fulfill this calling after I've been working for some time though (makanya cepet lulus dulu, dra).

So this opportunity is like a pathway to my calling and ummm, I'm negotiating with my parents about this academy, so please keep praying for me, will you? Appreciate it much, thank you :).

Anywayyy, they were selling the T-shirts and CDs. I, when looking at 'Set Apart'-themed goods, I was like "let's get as many as we can" (still wonder why I was not permitted to bargain).

Yang mo pinjem (CDnya) kasih tau ya

Speaking of set apart, I was introduced to the term "set apart" by my friend 2 years ago. Truth be told, even before that, I actually knew the older version of it: "sanctification" (yea, I'm old school), which is from the Hebrew word, Qadash.
This is one of the rhema I received when I was younger and, uh oh, I'm so into it.

This time, I'm going to share about it (no, not about The Undertaker)

To be anointed means to be singled out by God for special favours or responsibilities - Steven Furtick

Recently I found out that there are a lot of (new, yet kinda expected) rumours circulating about me (almost like a continuation from what I wrote on my old post).

People think I might have a gift of celibacy like Paul (I got that a lot, for years),

they start to match me with random female friends of mine, 

some even say that my future spouse isn't even born yet, 

or
to the extent where some people really think that I feel attracted to guys (just check my Ask.fm).

- No I don't. In fact, one of my dreams is to marry ONE godly woman and be blessed with cute and adorable children (number of children is TBA).

Jarang chatting, tau2 begini nongol pagi2. Anak komsel macam apa ini?

Di-tag di IG n Path, terus ada yang bilang "denial stage ya?"

The thing is...
I might meet her when I'm 22 (next year dong), 25, or maybe after 5-10 years, whenever God sees fit. I believe by setting myself apart for God, at the same time I'm preparing myself for her, our family and our family's calling.
Don't you see that marriage can't be your goal? It's another level of God's greater calling for both of you.
You shall not just pick up random people, because marriage is about a teamwork, thus a fit helper, an equal partner (Genesis 2:17) is mandatory.

Honestly, while you wonder who I am going to marry, I had prayed concerning this topic years ago. I mean, IF I did have a gift of celibacy, it would be much better if I had heard it from God at the first place. (gua juga cemas woy, beneran ga nikah nih, Tuhan? - just kidding kok. I'm all Yours).

Well, I don't get any affirmation regarding this gift (too bad for those who hope that I do).

So prepare yourselves, y'all, my future spouse is going to be fantastic and amazing (like I am).

Okay, back to the Word.

I will take my stand at my watchpost and station myself on the tower, and look out to see what he will say to me, and what I will answer concerning my complaint. - Habakkuk 2:1

In ESV, it clearly states that this Habakkuk guy 'stations himself', of which I picture the state of being set apart.
It doesn't mean you won't need your friends, mentors or community to discern God's will for you, but it does mean you thirst for God more than anything else in such level of intimacy, urgency and extremity.
(and it doesn't state that Habakkuk brings his Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Path or electronic gadget with him-Distractions, big time #justsaying)

I believe the key of setting yourself apart is to know God and desire to know His heart more and more each day. By doing so, you'll see that nothing can EVER compare to His love - and this is such a radical theology, because it takes faith for us to really live it - it pleases God nevertheless.
I would say, even my spouse will be nothing, compared to Jesus.

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end. - Ecclesiastes 3:11

Don't waste your time by waiting for a wrong person, or worse, by being a wrong person for the right one.

Two weeks ago, in FGCC Fresh Youth Service, Ps. Fu Xie ministered a sermon about becoming someone who you are looking for is looking for (I'm sorry, that was originally in Indonesian), of which I guess I'd heard a similar message from Pastor Andy Stanley "Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for?" (how do I know Andy Stanley? Of course because the fact that he had preached in Elevation before *teteup).
So, are you? and I asked myself, am I?

Quick tips: If you think you're preparing yourself in your singleness for a certain someone, it's great. But what about your family? Do you think you have loved them like how a child should God does? I think they are the most suitable people for you to love before anyone else, second after God.

Singleness is a process of preparation, not an embarrassing state that you need to get over quickly.

Don't try guessing or hastening God's timing for you. 

Heartbreak hurts, man. Be it from people's rejection or God's no.
Can't you just trust God for His plan and His timing for you?
He has your best interests at His heart.

Meanwhile, set yourself apart!
So you don't hinder God's works in you by getting distracted by trivial things.

When you deserve the best, why settle for less? - Bryan Leong

I know I'm kinda unconventional.
I still hold on to my uncommon principles like "my first kiss is my wedding kiss".
Well, that's because I know that I deserve the best, and that's exactly why I said "I am different" (and proud of it yo).
I refuse to settle for less, therefore I trust God with my singleness until it's time.

Be sure of this: when it's time, it's time.

My First Gaming Consoles

Currently I was trapped in the reminiscence of my childhood.

I was checking many types of gaming consoles, based on my memories and the help of Mr. Google, I started to explore these classical consoles.

To start off, my first gaming console (because Prehistorik 2 in my aunty's Windows 95 can't be included for sure) was Sega Genesis Model 2.

Beneran dah, gua punya yang ini

Out of my curiosity, I downloaded some emulators in my laptop, but maybe due to exam's pressures, I re-opened them altogether the memories of my past (apa sih dra). I then came to the knowledge of the existence of gaming consoles that I'm not even familiar with, like Atari.

When I moved to Bandung, I was in Kindergarten at moment. No different from any active kids in common, I often asked my parents to bring me to a mall.
This mall had game center at its top level, if I'm not mistaken it was BIP, Bandung International Plaza (does this building still exist?)
What I can remember is that I played Mighty Morphin Power Ranger side-scrolling action game via an unknown game console (should be SNES).
Ah, and right under the game center, there was this shop that sold figures, mostly Superman.

Game imba, saudara2.
Tapi kudu bayar gara2 maennya di BIP

I guess my dad bought me Sega when I was in Cirebon, during my 1st-2nd year of elementary school because I was so noisy and kept asking him to buy me one game console (I don't know if it happened or not, but considering my behaviour at that time, most probably yes).

There were cool games such as: Toxic Crusaders, Spiderman vs The Kingpin, X-Men 2: Clone Wars, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers The Fighting Edition (turned out to be pirated version from SNES though).

These games are the ones which made me excited and nervous every time I played. The true suffering was when you spent all your character's lives and you needed to start again from the very beginning, because it did not have a helpful component called 'memory card' (gimana emosi gua ga labil pas kecil dulu?)

Exact appearance of my game cartridge!
I always thought this game was called "Genesis",
until I googled "green man mop sega genesis"

Game seru, tapi ga bisa nge-save bikin frustrasi woyy
Untung sekarang gua udah tau cheats nya, muahaha

Spidey, anyone?

Game yang kalo mo maen selalu maksa dedek buat jadi player 2
(koko macam apa sih ini?)

I'm always late in terms of gaming technology, even when I moved to Palembang, I still played my Sega Genesis. At the time when everyone had Sony PlayStation 1, my Malaysian uncle bought me a NES console, where I played Battle City, Jetman, Super Mario Bros, Hyper Olympic, Circus Charlie, Duck Hunt, etc.
After some time, when Sony PlayStation 2 was booming, only then I finally bought my Sony PSone (itupun dengan pesan sponsor "Chen, dibeliin ini makin rajin belajar ya")

Circus Charlie

Duck Hunt

Super Mario Bros

Hyper Olympic

Battle City (Tank 1990)

Choujin Sentai Jetman

Gaming consoles have improved tremendously, what I once thought as cool games, might be pretty lame if the technologies are to be compared.
Thanks to technology, now we have the incarnations of those legendary gaming consoles, called emulators.
You can check em out on EMUPARADISE.
It's going to be fun to play old games, if you have time (don't blame me if after reading this post you start to play video games too much).

Cheers!