I Pray

Why Girls Wouldn't Want a Knight in Shining Armour

Some of you might think that I'm not cut out for this kind of topic, as I just passed my China Singleness Anniversary (in popular term: Jomblo 20 tahun) last year, which means I might celebrate my Silver Singleness Anniversary (Jomblo Perak, according to my FreshCom Leader) in 4 more years.
Some of you might also think that in order to talk about this, you need an experience (I agree) which is ironically translated as: You need to date someone (or even many people) in order to be an 'expert'.
I'm not going to discuss about that, but let me share some:

Shining armour means this warrior doesn't fight in a war so often
I did my internship in a construction site last year and in period of 3-month time, I have dirtied, scratched and almost broken my helmet. At first I was like: "No! I want to keep it clean" *silly me*, but you know what? If you want to keep it clean and shiny all the time, just don't wear it!
In other words: Don't put it in a good use, just place it in your house for display.

You can argue with me that you want someone who is fighting bravely and yet 'cleans' his armour regularly. Yea right, teenage girls :|
I'm saying that scratches (and scars) are the proof that someone has been through some battles.

Your knight will protect you from bad things
Doesn't it sound good to you? He is able to make you feel safe, respect you, keep your purity, work hard, and all the things in a list that Ps. Jarrid Wilson can make.
Well, no!
Why is that?
Because as a girl, you wouldn't want someone to ruin your fun in the name of 'right things' (now I'm feeling awkward in writing this).

You might prefer
your own fun schedules, 
popularity among boys,
someone who accepts you for who you are AND does nothing,
someone who 'tolerates' and adapts to your situation,
someone who is easy going and intimate with all people even though it's kind of flirtatious,
someone who says "well, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Be yourself" all the time.


rather than a 'good guy' who:
keeps reminding you about daily devotional (come on, shopping versus bible study, pfft)
admires you as if you are the only one for him (because you need to do the same, troublesome)
warns you about bad habits you do and decides to stay with you anyway (you call it 'bad'? I call it 'some-old-habit-that-can-be-tolerated') 
stands strong in his values, vision, belief and is able to lead you (old people's stuffs, ain't nobody got time for that)
keeps his relationships with others properly so you can trust in his integrity (integrity? What's that?)
has a good reputation for living in truth (I'll pass, I don't really like someone who is too spiritual)


That's just my example, you can find more from this link and here's the difference between a girl and a woman.


"Happiness is not finding the right person. It’s being the right person." - Steven Furtick
He also said in his post: I’ve seen countless Christians sabotage their marriages not because they married the wrong person but because when they got married they weren’t the right person for the other person. Not in their chemistry, but in their character.

You might be in the right relationship with the right one, but not being the right one would potentially destroy your relationship.
Anyway, are you sure that you want a knight in shining armour? (similar question goes for me: Am I sure that I want a Queen-to-be Princess?)

Count Your Blessings

You can change the title as you want, the options are as follow:

1. Things that I want to show off

2. Things to be thankful for

3. My happy moments

Just kidding...

Although this writing is telling you what I received and went into recently, I'll make sure that IF you follow this post, you will find sharing that will encourage you :)

We tend to forget that we are blessed and highly favoured, yes we do...

I'm actually helping myself to be grateful by writing this post, as how I wrote the previous post

I'm such a forgetful person, I can forget God's kindness just like that, not a good thing for sure

2013:

1. I'mma remind myself of how grateful I am for a brother named Brian Adam Pratama in my life.

Ajarin gua selca dong, Bri

This awesome guy became my one on one partner since last year, and I have the sweetest brotherhood ever since.

Strong relationship needs sincerity, efforts and commitment.

2. Playing for Monash University Malaysia Futsal Team

Yoi merah sendiri

I was like "Go-International" huh?
I'm not the best Goalkeeper they can find, but through unexpected event, my friend, Vedo Irawan talked to Monash Captain, Shaf and recommended me to train with Monash team.










3. Freelance futsal

Elastico vs Oli's Team

It's not like they pay me or something like that, but some nice and generous people who don't mind if I play bad, such as Elastico's coach (which happens to be my cousin's friend, Samuel Siew) . He sometimes invited me to play for their team.
I'm honoured.






4. Leading worship in a wedding ceremony

Deo mukanya lagi jelek di sini, jadi gua upload yang ini

My first ever experience in doing so. I was confused, like: "What song to bring? I know I can't shout like usual, but how am I gonna do this?"
Thank you Ko Jackson Pang and Silvie Hosea for the privilege :).








5. Meeting my "twin sister", Wellney Yarra

Abis makan brutal sama mamanya Welni

Buku Max Lu Kado kalo menurut dia

I met her last year as she enrolled herself in CIMP Malaysia. I found many similarities between us, we are both smart, talkative and attractive *teehee. Hence, I often introduced her as my twin sister to my friends. I'm thankful that I have the privilege to listen and share stories with such great woman of God.
She gave Max Lucado's book as my birthday present and wrote a message as her appreciation, it goes like: "Makasih karena menghabiskan waktuku yang sangat mahal buat cerita sampe subuh." Well, it's pretty much summed up her gratitude, eh?

God really loves her, I tell you...
If any guy wants to date her, he better be really serious about it and take care of her well. You mess with her, means you mess with me.

6. Steven Furtick and Elevation Church

    

Through an unexpected event happened last year, I found a post on my Tumblr that led me to Elevation Church, in November 2013 (read it HERE)
I love Pastor Steven Furtick very much, he is one anointed, passionate and enthusiastic preacher of God.

Through their Elevation app, (of which you can download for android and iphone for free) I am able to listen to God's Word easily.
I follow their sermons and projects from that moment onward, I even listen to Ps. Steven's sermons over and over again because they are powerful and encouraging, they help me to stay on track and stand strong big times, perfect food for your spirit.

2014:
Fast forward to this year, shall we?

7. Invitation to serve with FreshGe in Semarang

The invitation came from Ko Franklin Gunarto, an alumnus and a senior Worship Leader in FGCC.
I never expected me to be invited, you know (I'm being honest here), I was at a loss for words, thank you :)

                             

Song lists :3

Ps. Eddy Chang's preaching

Sound Check at GMS Tower of Victory

FreshGe at GMS ToV, Semarang

FGCC (+Alumni) in GIA Pringgading, Semarang

 8. Ko Frank's efforts and response

Si Ko Frank dan bayangannya Ci Mon2

I'll try to tell his story briefly: He has bought a train ticket for Friday night from Bandung to Semarang, but due to flood, he needed to drive all the way back to Jakarta while calling travel agents to get flight ticket in order to reach Semarang on Saturday noon
(because we had rehearsal at 1 pm, and this team is expert, they didn't meet each other for 2 years and only had practise session on the day they served ahaha). 
Ko Frank then reached Jakarta at 3 am after long hours of driving. By God's grace he managed to get 9 am ticket, though previously he got 11 am ticket.

My FreshCom Leader, Adrian Kosasih told me that when he gave Ko Frank a call on Friday night, he could hear that Ko Frank still sounded excited and didn't even feel down.

I'm sorry for my short explanation above, maybe you can't understand what happened really well, but after a whole night driving right after you worked, without being able to rest or even taking a shower, due to some unexpected development (flood), yet you are still joyful?
Soo, his response really inspired me :)

Not only that, actually later on, I found that all FreshGe members had their own trials but they still served God whole-heartedly and you can see joy on their face when we worshipped together.
I'm really grateful to be there.

9. Steven Furtick's message

As I implied above, I was never a member of Elevation before this, I just love the sermons and the books (Sun Stand Still and Greater).

Makasih lho Jansen

Here's a preview from Sun Stand Still, that helped me stay sane.
Before you swim out any farther, be sure that God is the One leading you out into deep waters. Count the cost. Consider the ramifications. Apply wisdom. Then, once it's clear he is calling you into the waves, don't you dare let the magnitude of your fears send you back to dry land. Keep moving out deeper. Keep reaching up.















In the beginning of January, I just tweeted randomly about Ps.Steven's new book, Crash the Chatterbox and Elevation Worship's new album, Only King Forever. Then this pastor, who barely replies anyone on Twitter, sent me the message you can see at bottom.

I was like: "No, Pastor, thank you, I just want to support Elevation by buying your books and cds."

After that, I felt like God said: "Accept it, it is for you"

So I sent my address anyway.

And on 4th of February, the package came (after being missent to Taipei), hurray!
It's not like I used God's name to justify my doing, but for me personally, this is really His way to show how I am not lost from His eyes.
Recently I felt really down, I felt like I'm doing something that seems pointless, and even sometimes I even felt worthless, but I know God was the One who started everything. I often find myself wondering, "Do these things have purpose, God? I need a break, I want to get my joy back."
And just like that, He sent me fresh winds, as if He wanted to say: "You got My attention, son."

10. I'm grateful for my (real) sister, who forgot about my birthday and had short-circuit in her brain since she started doing internship :|

Many times she asked me some silly questions and then realized after some moments, she would say: "Dedek bego ya ko."
One time I told her, "My whole body is sore, I just had futsal match yesterday" and she was like: "Heh? You played futsal yesterday, why are you feeling sore now?" I'm unable to answer this question.

Still, she is my precious younger sister, we often do stupid things together, be idiotic together, share stories (you can name the categories: funny, serious, stupid, good-for-your-future, relationship, ga-jelas, ga-penting, apa-sih-ini.) and have fun together.
So yea, I'm cherishing my every moment with my beloved ones.

11. I am grateful for battles that scarred me but didn't break me

You guys have your own battles, I have mine.
This was what happened recently, it took me some time to finally be able to say: "Yes, You are Who You are, You are faithful, great and loving. I will trust You wherever You lead me to."

When darkness seems to blur His plans, believe His character.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. - Jeremiah 29:11

My point in writing this is not to show how blessed I am.
I'm counting my blessings and teaching myself about God being my only joy.
I believe the key not to be anxious about anything is through thanksgiving.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God - Philipians 4:6

In every season we are currently in, there are blessing and beauty all around if you look for them.
Maybe you're feeling down right now, you feel disappointed, you feel worn out and broken, but we have to learn not to be anxious about anything. Surrender our doubts and fears to God, because He cares.

You don't believe me? Never mind, just trust His words, for He is trustworthy.
You can start doing what I did, counting my blessings and see that God is faithful!

Even Before That

I used to share to my friends that my first experience of hearing God's voice was when I asked Him about my first love, "is she the one?"
Many of you know the conclusion of this story, I got a direct, straight and bold answer: "NO!!"
It took me until this year to realize that it wasn't actually the very first time for me of hearing God's voice.

Even before that, when I was in 1st year of junior high school, I went for a teen camp called NRETC (National Reformed Evangelical Teen Convetion). During the last session, the speaker told us about voluntary offering. Somehow I felt like I needed to give my money from my wallet, I checked and found Rp 300.000. It was worth 2 months of my allowance. Then I called my mom, I said "I know our budget was kind of tight, and I didn't even walk around or went for shopping yet, but I wanted to give this money to God."
She told me to do what I wanted to do. So I just did that.
But, even before that, I told some friends about our family spiritual warfare when we were in Cirebon (2nd grade) caused by my father's colleague from Kalimantan Timur. So this person invited us to her house, she bought us many things including toys which I really liked.
Short story, those stuffs were "filled with something" and we needed to burn them all. Strangely, I was willing to 'sacrifice' all the toys to be burnt to ashes without feeling sad. I knew I did this because God told me to.

Some people receive His Words differently, but let me share my story of hearing God's voice.

1. Standing for God will trigger great opposition
I wrote this post weeks ago, however God didn't let me continue my original writing. I just couldn't put my outline all together.
"This 'opposition' part needed to be changed!", so I did some editing,
and it was until I watched Furtick's 4th part of Sticks and Stones, I knew why God didn't let me put my original thoughts, check the preview here

No matter how young or old you are, how small or big things you are doing, or who you are, you're going to face opposition if you are doing something for God.

Honestly, I don't think I'm that kind of religious guy, you know. I was born in Methodist background, being a radical person, I started to ask questions and did research about who God really is, is there really a so-called God. I did that when I was a kid, bla bla bla and Jesus just saved me.
Then I grew up, trying to know God deeper, while I failed so many times, I fell into pornography in my second year of senior high school, I got a really bad temper, I didn't control my words and some other bad stuffs.
(see? not that religious right?)

In Malaysia, a preacher from Abba Love came and confirmed my gift of prophecy, I did not know what was that (although it did sound cool to me), all I knew was that I truly believe in Jesus and many people said that I had a gift of faith, that's all.
Then, I started to learn and optimize my gift of prophecy since 2010.

Still, many people said things like "you're too religious", "you're too bold", "you're too straight", "don't be too critical in studying God's Word, because you need to apply it to your daily life"... and they came from my friends.
I was even told several times that because of my sharing of how God works in my life, someone got discouraged and lost his/her confidence in his/her faith, so I should stop doing that.

The thing is: I'm pretty sure Who called me to do what I've been doing right now, so if I really do spiritually harmful activities, let Him judge and refute me. But if I'm really called to do so, I pray that one day God would reveal these things to you, if He doesn't, that's fine either.

Nevertheless, often times greatest opposition doesn't come from your surrounding, it comes from within you.

Feeling scared of falling when you try to step out by faith
Doubting whether it is really God or just your feeling or imagination
Voices say that this thing is not gonna work
Imagination of 'what ifs' that runs wild 

Believe me, I've tried a LOT of things just to make sure that God really speaks to me
and all the time, I face great oppositions while doing what I think I heard from God (I say this because many times I'm not sure of His voice, it was full of oppositions as the result of following that voice)

2. Your first step of faith

It's not that we don't hear from God, we just don't obey what God has told us to.

What did you do when God said "no" to you?
What did you do when God said "do it" to you?
Being unable to discern God's voice, many people left it as it is and didn't do anything.

But the real question is, are you really going to stay quiet, be afraid of falling down, frozen in fear of rejection and keep waiting until this might-be-invitation-that-God-wants-us-to-embrace passes by? Or will you be willing to step out in order to find out?
Because even before that, Peter, one of Jesus' disciples did that attempt, he stepped out from the boat towards Jesus who stood on the water and believed that Jesus would catch him even when he fell.

He always will, His hands are not short, and He is able to sustain you, so take your first step of faith!
(I'm not encouraging people to do stupid things though, such as finding out whether someone is your future spouse by randomly dating your crush etc. We need wisdom, please)

3. Set yourself apart

Habakkuk 2:1
I will take my stand at my watchpost
and station myself on the tower,
and look out to see what he will say to me,
and what I will answer concerning my complaint.

Do you put yourself to a position that you can listen to God clearly?

Away from your social medias, hi-tech gadgets, news, and stuffs

Do you give your time for God to read the Bible, not only to pray and report your stuffs to Him but also to listen to His Words?

Do you set yourself apart? Fighting against your flesh, the one I called you-know-it-is-wrong-but-you-do-it-anyway?

If you haven't, start positioning yourself so that you can hear clearly from God.

It's easy to say that you want to hear from God, but it's another thing to set yourself apart.
Even before that, Matthew 5:8 said

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."

(I did a deeper study on this verse, check it out if you want. Blessed are the pure in heart)

4. Times and Seasons

Up to this point, maybe some of you would say: "Hey I've done all those things you mentioned above, but none of those miraculous things have ever happened to me."
and people often said to me: "Yea, it's easy for you. Not everyone can hear from God as clearly as you do though."

We often look at the fruits, without seeing the roots

I wrote this to tell someone, I was not born super religious and holy and I'm still not one even until now.
I even doubted and asked God this question last week, "God, where are we now? Are we headed in the right direction?"
After that, there was one time when I took several minutes to answer His question: "After all these things, will you trust Me to be your Guide?"

The reason I couldn't answer it directly was because I thought: "After all these things, God?
After I offered my dreams and embraced something that You called me to, only to trade them with harsh rejection?
After I did my best to move forward and not give up, just to get kicked right on my face?
......
......"
It took me my own step of faith to reply: "Yes, Lord. No matter what has happened, what may come my way, please be my One Guide to the very end."

This is what I do or even force myself to do, when the options of ditching God's instruction, giving up our hopes and trusting yourselves are all around me: Keep pressing forward.

I admit my weakness, I admit my doubts and fears, I admit my frustration to Him, and then I press on, hoping to know Him better in each one of my journeys.

Sometimes God doesn't want to give us direction because He wants to be our Guide.
He doesn't let us know the direction we need, because He wants to teach us who He is.

Steven Furtick said: The people God uses aren't fearless, they're just faithful

I'm not saying I'm faithful, because I'm still fighting to be.

Every fight and process I've undergone with Him, brings me closer to the One who assigned me to do things trusted to me.

Not instant, but through times and seasons.

So, what's your excuse to stop hoping for God?

I hope this post might be helpful for someone, no matter what state you are in right now, believe in His timing.
You are unable to hear from God until now? Show your perseverance! Desiring to know Him deeper, longing to have encounter with Him and waiting on Him.
Because even before that, He told us in Isaiah 30:18
Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.

(ps: I do weekly fasting just for one topic, "I want to love Your Bible, teach me how to love it because this book got no picture, it's filled with complicated words, and sometimes I had headache when I read it, but I want to delight in it. Teach me, Lord".)

21, eh?

I am blessed, I really am :)
To begin this post, I want to make a little confession: I don't really want to tell people about my birthday, I don't know why, that's just me.
I prefer celebrating other's rather than my own day (well of course I will celebrate my future family's birthdays and having my birthday celebrated by them would not do any harm :P)

Some people say "birthday is your special day, you should celebrate it."
Okay, I know it's special, but if this 'special' means the special way of how you treat/see your day, I do it every day. I mean, you feel loved in your birthday, but God loves you every single day, doesn't He? So my point is I'm feeling special and thankful for God and y'all all the days, and it doesn't change anything even in my birthday hahaha.

I even posted this writing some days after my birthday. Why? I don't know, that's just me HAHA!
I have nothing against people who love their birthday, I'm okay with it and I also deeply appreciate people who send me wishes, I really do.

This year I want to show my gratitude towards people who gave me "early gifts" in the form of encouraging messages (that's how I see them) and books, even though most of those were not actually for my birthday.
I know it's hard for some people to arrange a birthday wish to me, I sort of know why, but never mind, I don't want to assume :P

Here we go:
1. From a cece mini, Rika Angelia that gave me a call from another country just to wish me. She even asked her housemate whom I've never known before, Ko Steven to wish me, then she was shocked at how fast we familiarized ourselves, and she said: "eh did you guys know each other?" -_-
"Happy 21st bdayyy!! Makin bawelll makin jagoo ngmng haha.. Tercapai mimpi2 yg kmu pengen achieve.. God be wif u.."
Thank you karena akhirnya menerima fakta kalo saya ga lahir di tanggal 15. Btw yes, I will be better in talking (to you especially, ha!). 

2. From another cece, yang kayak putri kerajaan China, kyknya ga usah dimention deh namanya, yang penting kita sama2 tau ya ce.
".... Kamu itu kuat, aku harap suatu saat kamu mendapatkan pasangan yang sepadan buat kamu. Bahkan lewat percakapan kita gini aja, aku sendiri terberkati lho"
Thank you ce, thank you for listening to my story from the very beginning to the end. I did not expect my "messy and confusing" stories might be helpful, but I do believe God led me to everything I had to experience in order to convey His message to people. 
I'm really thankful to meet you and I will surely find one as described on Proverbs 31 ;)

3. From my very own senior Worship Leader in FGCC, a great brother in Christ, yang sudah jadi artis, ko Franklin Gunarto.
"Oh ya, km Januari available gk kalo kk ajak pelayanan?"
I was amazed, because God can use anyone He wants, so this invitation was really such an honour for me. Thank you ko for trusting me, let's worship God together next week.

4. I tweeted something about a new book and a worship album that will soon be released by a pastor that inspired me so much through his online sermons, musics and articles, Pastor Steven Furtick
"@kfuwa / I'll send you both for free"
HAHAHAHA, I don't know what about you, you might've known many famous people in your life but I don't. So, it was pretty shocking for me (I even rejected his offer, regretted my decision the day after and then accepted it anyway :P). It was just at the right time, as if God said to me: "Hey, you really do what I told you to do. I don't overlook you" :')

You know what, you can have attentions as many as you want, but I just desire my God's attention, His attention is special (and my future wife's! She is also kinda special, that's what I trust huahaha)

5. Unexpected 'new friends' I made last year. I believe that God brought you to me (or me to you) for a purpose. You know what, often times I felt not ready to have conversation with y'all, at that moment I was like "Are You serious, God? I dont think I'm a right person for them to talk with".
But I trust His power and plan more than my own feeling and circumstances, so I prayed and talked to you anyway, 2 Corinthians 12:9.
Some of you experienced breakthrough in your life, I'm happy for you! Just remember, it's all about Him and you got a direct access to His presence :).
I'm thankful that God wants to use a person like me, purely GRACE it is.
I'm blessed to have privilege to listen to their unique and different stories and I learnt from them :)

6. A "Sun Stand Still" book from my friend, a talented singer and humorous guy, Jansen Karim. I was chatting with him and sharing about Steven Furtick, the next thing I knew, this good guy gave this book as a Christmas present.
Told you "early gifts"
This guy even sent me a "radio birthday wish" by recording his own golden voice.
I'm thinking of keeping it and then sell it in the future on Ebay, should give me good cash.

7. A leadership devotional book by John C. Maxwell, given by a cece, who serves God as a professional dancer and also serves in FGCC, ce Silvya Lo
It blessed me a lot, and thank you very much for being a leader for my sister, cece...

8. My old friend, who never misses wishing me even though sometimes I forgot to wish on her birthday, Meta Parjono. In short, her message was: Fuwaaa, happy birthday, wish you all the best, semoga cepet lulus, salam dari Natalia.

Thank you Met, I am blessed to have a friend like you. I will try my best to wish you every year! Hahaha

9. Personal birthday verse from my very own Lead Pastor of FGCC, ko Eddy Chang. Isaiah 61:1-4

The Year of the Lord's Favor


61 The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to bring good news to the poor;[a]

he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim liberty to the captives,

and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;[b]


2 to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,

and the day of vengeance of our God;

to comfort all who mourn;


3 to grant to those who mourn in Zion—

to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;

that they may be called oaks of righteousness,

the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.[c]


4 They shall build up the ancient ruins;

they shall raise up the former devastations;

they shall repair the ruined cities,

the devastations of many generations.

Recently I also got an affirmation about "Anointing", "Bringing Good News", and "Glorious Ruins", so this verse confirms it again. Thank you, ko Ed!

In the future, my circumstances might get worse, but I want to teach my mind, feeling and even my circumstances that I'm counting on God's blessings and promises in my life, I have reasons to be joyful and thankful all the time :)

This is what I tweeted in the beginning of this year
January: The month when miracles begin to unveil

It's only been 2 weeks but God's already showing up His faithfulness and that He keeps His promise to me through many things.
I don't say that I didn't struggle at all, my mind and emotions often got beaten up even when I gave my best and my all (especially in work) :). I'm not gonna stop serving God even though I face painful situations, my joy is in Him and He is in me.
Acts 5:41 Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name.

As Pastor Steven Furtick says in "Count on It" from Psalm 48:12
(The psalmist says:) "I want you to walk around Zion and see how although the battles rage in your life this year, you're still standing." So I want us to rejoice for the battles that did not defeat you. Oh, they tried! They would have! But they couldn't, because when the battle came, it had to reckon with a God Who is much bigger that enemy anticipated.

So, I looked at my past, I thank the Lord for the battles that did not defeat me
I looked within myself, I thank Him for everything He does in me and the seeds of His promise that will bloom at the right time
I looked at all around, I thank Him for everything He does through me and through people around me
I looked up, I thank God for who He is

"I don't rejoice when I see the harvest, I rejoice over the seed" - Steven Furtick

Thank you guys for everything

I Am Different

Couldn't find any better title for this post
During my childhood, I know that I am different from other people
Of course we are, it's too bad that we often dislike our own selves and try to be other people.
You are allowed to be fascinated and inspired by many people or a certain someone, but YOU ARE YOU.

In 2010, I made a Tumblr account (originally with different address) and 2 of my seniors were using this soy soy thing.
One is Soy Valiente: I Am Fearless (Ci Monica Christy Wibawa) and another one is Soy Amada: I Am Loved (Ci Kherina Suryadi)
So, being young and easily fascinated, I was like: This soy thing is cool! I'mma make one for myself with a theme of "being different", and that's what I've been using up to now: Soy Diferente (and found out that Soy Diferente is an Indian song or album something :|)

Through this screen name, I want to declare to everyone who reads my post or just looks at the title, that YOU ARE UNIQUE, so don't try to be anyone else. You are no accident and you are not born to be someone else. God did not make a mistake when He made you, so run your own race.


I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well. - Psalm 139:14

This year, it's like that God strengthens the foundation of my life that we've been working out together so that it becomes more and more solid :). God confirmed many things about God's anointing, my calling and passion.
Through experience I had, through people around me and through sermons I watched.

The latest sermon series from Elevation Church is called "Sticks and Stones", the second part perfectly described how God called us differently and also confirms my reason of taking "I Am Different" theme.

I can't post the video here, so please check out this link: Sticks and Stones
I believe it's gonna bless you, so just spare 50 minutes of your life to watch this powerful message.

Jesus Told Me To

Honestly, this post was inspired by a certain event happened today between me and rambutan, so I wanted to name this post "Indra and Rambutan", but it just doesn't sound right.

2 weeks ago, my parents came to Sunway and brought me some fruits (orange, rambutan and kiwi). I think because they really concern about their malnutrition-look-like son :|

And yea, they treated me to dinner (because I had to work with morning-evening shift) of which I didn't waste my chance to have Sushi Zanmai dinner worth of 80 RM MYSELF

After some time, I just left the fruits in my refrigerator. Trying to believe that even after some weeks, these fruits will still be ok to consume (silly me, really). Then today without knowing why, I felt that I really wanted to eat rambutan, then I opened my refrigerator, but my expectation fell short. They got rotten (of course, come on man, it's been two weeks) and now I'm afraid of writing this post in Indonesian that my parents might accidentally read this post  (and understand! that's the scariest part)

The lesson was that sometimes we underestimate things too much, that we don't take them seriously until they are gone. Don't waste your chance, do what you are supposed to do right now!

Okay, that's my introduction

Yesterday I watched this sermon clip of "Jesus Told Me To" by Steven Furtick

You can watch it if you want (surely you don't wanna miss your chance, after you have read my message above) *evillaugh

Short story, it's about holding on to God's instruction, with the solid reason called "Jesus Told Me To"

I was thinking how sometimes God asks me to do "His" things in my life, that I often do willingly or unwillingly. Not that I'm that faithful to do His command, but I just can't run away from Him (and I'm pretty sure I don't want to be the second Jonah).

Even until now, I sometimes did things He asked me to do unwillingly.

Having my sense of justice or even dignity being trampled over and over again, He still asked me to do ridiculous stuffs as if He doesn't consider my feeling at all.

You know what, sometimes you felt like it's useless to do what God asked you to do.

Certainly devil would agree with my point

Why bother helping someone that rejects your help?

Why bother forgiving someone that doesn't realize their mistakes? You are the wrong one in their eyes anyway.

Why bother praying for something that seems impossible?

Why bother praying for someone who doesn't even deserve for it?

Why bother sharing your time, life and energy for someone who just sucks life out of you?

Why bother loving someone that no matter how precious it is, they can't understand it anyway?
Why bother doing God's word? You will get misunderstood anyway

You know, you'd been walking around your Jericho wall, you stretched out your staff, you struck the water, you dug many ditches in your life, you obeyed His Word. But nothing happened, don't you look stupid?

Furthermore, it's wasting energy, ain't it?

I'm unable to explain my calling to anyone else, so often times I can only answered "I don't know, God told me to."

And even now, I have this unwavering confidence that "God told me to".

Although I don't understand why He did that. I've learnt from my lesson, I wasted my 4 years circling around and around just because I was sticking to this very question of mine: Why?

I don't know what's waiting for me in the future, really, I don't know, sometimes I can see the brightness of hope in my future, sometimes I just can't see anything but dark cloud colouring my sky.

Through my daily devotion, God comforted me: "taat aja". (yes, thank You, really helpful :|)

But it didn't end like that, through the sermon I've mentioned previously, I received these messages:

"Sometimes in order to be victorious you have to be willing to do something ridiculous"

and that as long as I do what Jesus told me to do, no matter how weird it is, He will lead me to His blessings.

"Outcome is God's responsibilities, obedience is yours"

I better fail when living my faith, than not stepping out because of my own reason (ego, fear, reasonings). God's instruction might sound silly, mundane, insignificant but I don't want to miss His blessing just because I underestimate it.

"Cry if you have to cry, but just don't leave" - Steven Furtick

Don't leave God's presence, don't leave out your calling, you can feel like you lose your hope in doing His will, but just don't leave. God wants to do something in you and through you

Well, I'm not saying this with knowing what awaits for me, I'm just trusting that God is faithful and He is powerful.

Hebrew 10:36 says: For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.

Yes, AFTER you've done God's will, you need to perservere. Perservere for what? I don't know (seriously), I just don't want to miss my rambutan.
Look at the devil that always says to you "why bother", answer him confidently: "Because Jesus told me to"


ps: I hope you don't get the wrong idea of excusing your mind/feeling by saying "Jesus told me to" hahaha

New Year 2014

Thank You for staying with me all the time, in all my seasons, of hurts, joy, betrayal, misunderstood, pain, exciting, encouraging, discouraging, every single moment in my life, Jesus.

I know when I do more for You, more people will misunderstand me, but I have decided to follow You all my life. Give me confidence, joy, peace and boldness that only come from You, my Shelter and my Strength.

Thank You because You reminded me of what I’ve been really praying for as my 2012 and 2013 resolution, Phil 3:10
that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,

Thank You because You spoke up to me last night.
Many things are still messy, and I think those words did not immediately clear things up. But I know I’ve been waiting for those words, moreover 3 months ago when You didn’t say them, I was really discouraged. So, now that I’ve heard Your simple “well done”, I want to rest assured in You! The harvest time I’ve been waiting is not an instant process, so I can’t see it now, but I trust that You’re working behind the scene.

I still don’t understand things, but I choose to leave them. I just believe that I’ve put my efforts, tears, sweats and faith in a well-qualified Manager who will put all of these things in a perfect and intangible way, somehow and someday I will harvest what I sowed.

Happy New Year, God!

Let’s do everything again this year and years to come!

Love You :)

Psalm 5:3

My voice shall you hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer to you, and will look up. - Psalm 5:3

Clarke's Commentary on the Bible

My voice shalt thou hear in the morning - We find from this that he had not prayed in vain. He had received a blessed answer; God had lifted upon him the light of his countenance, and he therefore determines to be an early applicant at the throne of grace: "My voice shalt thou hear in the morning." He finds it good to begin the day with God; to let Divine things occupy the first place in his waking thoughts; as that which first occupies the mind on awaking is most likely to keep possession of the heart all the day through.

In the morning will I direct my prayer - Here seems to be a metaphor taken from an archer. He sees his mark; puts his arrow in his bow; directs his shaft to the mark, i.e., takes his aim; lets fly, and then looks up, to see if he have hit his mark. Prayers that have a right aim, will have a prompt answer; and he who sends up his petitions to God through Christ, from a warm, affectionate heart, may confidently look up for an answer, for it will come. If an immediate answer be not given, let not the upright heart suppose that the prayer is not heard. It has found its way to the throne; and there it is registered.


Gill's Exposition of the Entire Bible

My voice shall thou hear in the morning, O Lord,.... These words may be considered either as expressing the confidence of the psalmist, that the Lord would hear and answer him, and that in the morning, every morning, as soon and as often as he prayed; or that he would hear him early, quickly, speedily, seasonably, and at the best time; or else as declaring what he would do in consequence of his resolution to pray to the Lord in Psalm 5:2; he would pray to him every morning: the morning is a proper time for prayer, both to return thanks to God for refreshing sleep and rest, for preservation from dangers by fire, by thieves and murderers, and for renewed mercies in the morning; as also to pray to God to keep from evil and dangers the day following; to give daily food, and to succeed in business and the employments of life; and for a continuation of every mercy, temporal and spiritual. God should be served and sought in the first place; and so to do looks as if God was with his people, and they with him, when they awake in the morning. The Targum and Arabic version consider the words as a petition, and render them, "Hear (d) in the morning, O Lord, my voice", or "my petition"; and so bear the same sense as the other petitions;

in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee; or "set it in order" (e): not so much respecting the order of words, the method of prayer, which is sometimes very broken and confused, and yet regarded by God; but in allusion either to the shewbread, placed in order on the table, which was typical of Christ's continual intercession for his people, Exodus 40:4; or to the offering of incense and other sacrifices, which when offered were put in order upon the altar; and to which prayer is compared, Psalm 141:2. Or the words may be rendered, "I will stand before thee in the morning", as the Arabic version; or, "I will present unto thee", as the Septuagint; that is, myself; see Job 1:6, Romans 12:1; though the supplement, "my prayer", seems to be a good one; and so the words are supplied by the Jewish commentators (f);

and will look up; or "out" (g) as out of a watch tower, Habakkuk 2:1; to see if help is coming, and for an answer of prayer: the phrase is expressive of hope, expectation, faith, and confidence, that an answer would be returned; and therefore the psalmist determines to look upwards to heaven, whither he directed his prayer, and from whence the answer must come; and to look out from his watch tower, where he was waiting for it, and to continue patiently expecting it till he had it: and the ground of his confidence were the nature and perfections of God, particularly his purity and holiness, as appears from Psalm 5:4.

Merry Christmas to You, J!

Hey Jesus, merry christmas and happy birthday
It's not like You'll be getting any older or younger anyway, since You live out of the time

I want to thank You for everything, every single thing You've done for us and for me

Even though I don't really know when the exact date you were born, as some people try to figure out
or even though I don't really call You according to Your Hebrew name or so-called ' more proper' name, because I'm sure that You know our limitation and variety of languages, as I myself don't really care how I'm called by my closest friends (In, Dra, Tan, Coi, Dul, Fuwa, Kafuwa etc), You are wise.

Thank You for staying with me all the times, even when there are times when I don't feel You nearby, when I can't hear Your voice, when You don't speak anything to me, when I felt as if my world crumbled down or my sky fell down. Never for once You leave me or forsake me
When You're standing in front of me, You say: Follow me, I'm gonna lead your way
When You're standing beside me, You say: I'm always with you
When You're standing behind me, You say: I got your back

As for now, I still struggle to rest myself in You wholly in every situation, but I choose to trust You.
I don't understand why You called me to some places, but I'mma trust You anyway.
I can't see the finish line nor the logical explanation about many things, but I'll follow You anyway.

This is not much, but I hope my life may be a pleasant offering to You
Happy birthday, J!